decipher me.

Love.

2011-06-19T00:03:00.000-07:00

This will be me swallowing my heart&soul, standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for everything; and I'll go back to July 24th, 2010, all the time. It would turn out letting go ain’t nothing but missing you and regret; wishing I could control my future&life when you were mine. I'll go back to July 24th, 2010, reminisce and make myself alright; I'll go back to our love all the time.

July to August 2010

2010-08-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

It's been 3 years now, since my gang had split for the overseas.
We get by in our own ways.
For the last 2 months I have left here in M'sia, these two boys have made it great for me.

Junbug&Nigels, here's for you.

My façade

2010-06-13T10:21:00.000-07:00

In 2010, I've been getting through my days with this smile; it still works for me.

..but I'm still a mess, still broken.
Kym, I miss you so bad it aches.

I swear to drunk, I'm not God!

2010-06-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

".. I hear you calling, but I can't come home right now. Me & the boys are playing.. Just a few more hours and I'll be right home to you. I think I hear them calling.."

".. and it's probably cause you think you're cooler than me."

"I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing.. Feels like flying; I close my eyes, Oh God, I think I'm falling out of the sky. I close my eyes; heaven help me."

"I wish I could carry your smile in my heart for times when my life feels so low. It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring when today doesn't really know."

"Sometimes in our lives we all have pain, we all have sorrow; but if we're wise, we know that there's always tomorrow. Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on. For it won't be long 'til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on."

"If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea, I'll sail the world to find you. If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see, I'll be the light to guide you. You can count on me like one, two, three; I'll be there. And I know when I need it I can count on you like four, three, two; and you'll be there. Cause that's what friends are supposed to do."

"At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself talking to the moon- try to get to you in hopes you're on the other side talking to me too. Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?"

"I know I'm not perfect, but at the end of the day, who is? She wanted someone that's perfect, okay.. but can you tell me who is?"

".. that for you I'd do it all over again, do it all over again. All I went through, led me to you; so I'd do it all over again."

"I'll stand by you- take me in, into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you. I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you; won't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you; won't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you."

"Sometimes I feel like I've never been nothing but tired, and I'll be walking 'til the day I expire. Sometimes I lay down, no more can I do, but then I go on again because you ask me to. Some days I look down, afraid I will fall, and though the sun shines I see nothing at all. Then I hear your sweet voice- come and then go, come and then go- telling me softly..you love me so."

"There is no language for how I feel. When I look at you standing there, none of this seems real. There is no language for how I feel cause we're looking for the way to make this better; looking for a way to change the weather, whether you or I survive tonight, I promise you that I will love you like we're gonna live forever."

"I've been alone with you inside my mind, and in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times. Hello! Is it me you're looking for? I can see it in your eyes; I can see it in your smile. You're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide. Cause you know just what to say and you know just what to do. I want to tell you so much.. I love you."

".. and I need you now tonight; and I need you more than ever. If you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever; we'll only be making it right cause we'll never be wrong. Together we can take it to the end of the line; your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark, we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight. Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do... a total eclipse of the heart."

"So don't cry, my love, the skies above will cry for you and I'll be safe so hold belief- I'll come back home for you..(due to unforeseen circumstances).. Goodbye, my love, as I bid farewell to thee. All is fair in love and war, so I'm goin' overseas."

3rd June, 2010:
Graduation, yet another milestone reached.

Holidays are always lacking without the bestfriends, Kathy Marie & Ming Zen.

My dinosaur friend, Esther Leong:
"Your bestfriends must have left a mark in your life for you to still feel this way about them after being apart for so long eh?"

SeanRyan:
"My bestfriends mean the world to me. They make me feel like even if no one liked me, hated me, or despised me, I couldn't give a flying fuck because they've instilled security in me 6 years ago."

You cannot phantom the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

We are just you and just me.

Jumping off the roof screaming: Fucking Awesome!

Currently: preferring to go on in the illusion that life is just a dream.

Hate how some people don't know how head-fucked they have to be to ring the doorbell of my house in such an assholeish way.

Some people have a thoroughly innocent face, like there's a hymen imprinted directly on the face.

Cotton-On, Cotton-On.

Rejected by Rock Corner. Fuck off.

Beth, I'm in love with you.

PENIS! (Jared Angga) hahahha.

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it.

I believed in love at first sight.

Officially a Gleek.

Gym Gym Gym. 2 months free. Results? Uncertainty. Toned arms?

Holiday starting off shitty.
Can't go out late at night anymore; can't drive out late at night.
Scratched, damaged, dented- car.

Parents tight on the 2 months left before escape to Canada.
Love them for that. Hate them for that. Love them-

Bruno Mars, legend.

When will they realize that there are things in life you can't learn off a damn book?

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

"strap on" | "no parts". Interesting.

Calls calls.
Texts texts.
Credit no credit.

Roadtrip: Beach, Singapore, Genting, Ulu area with glass house, KK, Cheras, Sunway, Church, denial?

To burn the letters or not to burn the letters?
To give the letters or not to give the letters?
To read the letters or not to read the letters?
Pieces of the memories. Shattered memories. Could've beens. If(s).

Quoted from the text book of "Challenge of Change in Society":
"Infertility is a form of private grief, without social support, because the lost is hidden.. The nature of infertility is such that a person may never know if one would be able to have children, and may never know the cause of it. As a result, the hurt/despair/depression/sadness/anger/angusih is aimed at the 'what ifs' & 'could've beens'."

My point?
Whatever decisions you make in life, there will definitely be regrets.
Relevant?
Who gives a shit?

Abortion. Abandonment. How heartless the human species can be.

Hate it when you complain the holidays are boring; GET A LIFE! No one wants to hear you jabber on how depressing your life is just because you lack initiative or, forgive me as I say, potential.

Bitter. Bitter. Not really. Sweet!

New people walked into my life recently; the gates are already open for them to walk out of it.
Sad? Yeah. Regrets? Time.

Picnic by my love.
Sunset by my love.
Friends by my love.
Beer by my love? Hopefully.

Pancake date! `Shiatteen&Nigel.

Lewis is leaving soon. Natalie is leaving soon. I am leaving soon.

Am I the one leaving, or are they the one staying?

How opaque have the mind been as of late? Pretty.

Holidays, I go with the flow in thee.
Work? Hopefully.

Haven't been swimming in awhile eh, Sean?
I know; missing my tan, Ryan.

My monologue in my head.

Some people are just so fucking retarded. I see retards almost everyday. The immensity of their stupidity is flawlessly&ginormous-ly obvious!

Karaoke. Karaoke! I long for thee.

Beth, are you calling me to sleep already? Just a few more minutes, I'll be right home to you (:

Confrontation, guess I'll meet thee soon.

Hope brings despair.
Reliance brings disappointment.
Popularity brings annoyance.
Anticipation brings stupidity.
Rejection brings pain.
Acceptance fixes a temporary joy within you that will eventually be demolished by the same target.

I, would, like to believe I have everything, which, in no doubt, I figure I do so. But I am not, to say the least, appreciating it, apparently, the way I'm supposed to, in actual, deep fact, because, seemingly, I don't know how to, literally.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE COMMAS?! FML!

I believe there are many people I will miss once I'm off in Canada.

I sneeze, cough, yawn, spit at Winnie the Pooh. He is Pooh. Pooh is shit. He is Shit.

Sarah|Zeeek.

Many other unforgettable's.

2:01 AM.

Who am I missing now? She.
Who do I want to kill now? Another She.
Who am I thinking of? A different she.
What do I hope to gain from doing this? Nothing.
Hey! Only girls are on my mind now. Hahaha!

Drinking, forbidden by the father.
Going out, forbidden by the mother.
Acting on impulse, forbidden by the brother.
Walking downstairs, forbidden by the dog.
Sleeping, forbidden by the thoughts.

Gibberish, gibberish. You think? Check this out:

`Every sentence, written or said, despite or in spite of context, have a meaning of its own that can vary abundantly to the same, or even different, pair of eyes." - Sean Ryan

What is meant, particularly for the retarded I notice in society, is that any sentence at all have more than one meaning to one person and to various persons.

Thus, fuck whatever sentences you define as gibberish. There is no such thing as gibberish; every sentence makes sense- written or said.

Beauty in simplicity.
How many of you can actually appreciate a movie in Black&White? Very few, apparently so.
The irony is, despite not knowing how to enjoy the simple black&white, many people still wear black or white, trying to conform to these.. simple colors, to say the least. Yet, don't know how to properly appreciate it.

Today eye woke up two e massage witch basically toad mee that dare is know point going two Pyramid anymore, so I called Lewis ant toad hymn wee were going to collage together ass eye wanted too drop of a latter. After doing sew, eye dropped Lewis of act duh train station ant vent to Isaac's place. We vent two 1Utama four a job hunt. Consequently, wee vent beg two Isaac's place two watch a movie. I den left halfway true duh movie ant came home two try to sleep. (credits to Edna)

That was a colossal waste of my time. I didn't wanna continue.

I hate how there were some people who blog about their day. I used to do that, they remind me of how stupid I was. (No offense to anyone, I don't see people's blog anymore).
Well, I guess people have different purposes for having a blog. Just like how people have different purposes of living- eat to live, live to eat, fuck to live, live to fuck.

Anyway, I'm Graduating today! Happy thoughts, Sean.

Time to sleep.

Beth, I'm coming home to you.

Goodnight.ness!

I wait not for one's thought to tear me down or make me frown.

2010-03-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

"So I'm throwing out all my cards, cause I think I've finally found the Queen of Hearts. I used to be the King of Clubs, but now those days are done."

"Too long we've been denying; now we're both tired of trying. We hit a wall and we can't get over it. Nothing to relive, it's water under the bridge. You said it, I get it; I guess it is what it is."

"Give me, if a day, just so I can say: 'I love you.' And take it all away maybe you would say you miss me too. You are mine to remember, you are mine to remember."

"I wanna be a billionaire, so fucking bad. Buy all of the things I never had. I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine, smiling next to Oprah and the Queen. Oh every time I close my eyes, I see my name in shining lights. A different city every night; oh I, I swear, the world better prepare for when I'm a billionaire."

"And now I miss everything about you (still you're gone). I can't believe that I still want you (have I loved you I never should have walked away). After all the things we've been through, I miss everything about you."

"Oh, darling when you look at me it's sweet just like the summer breeze. My heart. Close your eyes and listen to the moonlight melody. Darling, dance with me; darling, dance with me; darling, dance with me. Please."

"I wish you knew all the ways I love you. I pray each night for just a second of your time. As I watch you dance, and I can't help but wonder if I took this step, would you notice me at all. It's just so hard to be so brave; try to say it all but I never say it, try to stand so tall but I'm so damn afraid- so afraid. Underneath it all, we're just kids with big dreams and a stubborn heart. Behind smiles and hand me downs, we're all looking for that light- cause we're all a little scared of the dark."

"Breathing. I'm not the only heart beating. There's nothing worse than just feeling the weight of walking alone. Tell me I'm not the only one."

"Give me a reason to fall in love. Take my hand and let's dance. Give me a reason to make me smile, cause I think i forgot how. I wanna fall asleep with you tonight; I wanna know that I'm safe when you hold me tight; I wanna feel like I wanna feel forever. I want you. I wanna dream away with you tonight. We can go anywhere you would like. I wanna feel how I wanna feel forever. I want you."

"Won't you be my honey bee, giving me sweet kisses all the time? Be my, be my Valentine."

Dear Toby,

You were once proud&handsome; you were once energetic&always high-spirited; you were once smart&patient; you were once alert&ever-ready; and you will always be my childhood friend. Those were the days you sang along with the gas truck and the newspaper truck; yes, you were a terrible singer, but I will miss your howls. You always love having your walks and making Justin & I, or dad, watch as you take a shit or piss. We love you like that. You never bit us. You allowed me to sit on you and twist your ears like you were a motorbike. We played ball every evening once, and I loved your spirit. I talked to you a few times. Your companionship was great. You love replying with your 'huffs', but I get it. Who'd wanna listen to rants right? You've always known when it was your time to go for a walk and when was dinner time. You were intelligent. You lived a great life and I'll always cherish&remember you. You are the greatest.

Love, your childhood ~~friend~~ brother,
Me

Recent status: lost, numb, sore, hurt, and judgmental.

Got accepted into the University of Waterloo & Trent University; which to choose?

Easter play: "Beloved"

Ironic: I'm teenage Jesus.

I love you, my lake.

I know I'm in love with you because you give me peace of mind and I can't help but be in awe of your beauty. You may be far, but worth the travel.

Gym Gym Gym. Learning to gyming.

Swim Swim Swim. Wanting my tan.

Holiday last week was the bomb.
First day back to college today. Hot. Crowded. Drag.

March intakes are here. Be friends? Disregard?

Still miss my cousin Jeremy Gan, and the bestfriends FattyKathyMarieFernandez & CocoNutMingZen. My sister, DawnChan too.

Yeah, things would be different if all of you and the rest didn't have to go.

Well, it's my turn to go soon. August.

Beijing? Family trip? I want.

Roadtrip? When? Friends. Mm..

Prefer if gays would just be open about it rather than acting all sissy-ish and denying it. Not to offend, but to accept more easily.

I hate awkward situations.

I will not conform. I do not conform. I hate the pestering to conform.

Midterms on Wednesday. Finally.

Calculus rapes me. Stop raping me.

My bed. My pillow. Comfort.

Those were the days when I was young&naive.
Those were the days when I was immature&shameless.
Those were the days when I was stupid&useless.
These are the days where I am on my own.

Bitter. Bitter. Bitter now.

Been driving. Driving all around. I love driving alone; listening to my songs.

Sleep, my dear, you're inconsistent and terribly late, you know?

eBuddy sucks. can't wait to get msn so people can see the awesome songs I'm listening too.. and realize how my songs are better than theirs. hah!

Broke. Saving to get an iPod classic.

Hot. Stuffy. Noisy. Smelly. Foyer.

I miss footsal. I miss basketball. I miss my team. I miss my friends.

In Biology, I learn adaptation.
In Sociology, I learn conformity.
In Maths, I learn perseverance.
At home, I learn alone time is precious.

Was I a fool to think this year would be a good year? Because now seems pretty shitty.

Fake smiles. Fake expressions. Awkward situations. Uncertain intentions.

I want to fall asleep by the lake someday, as I watch the stars with a flask of hot milo in one hand.

Cherish some, disregard others.

Time heals. Music heals. Family&friend heals. Lonesome does not heal.

Dramaturgy.
Cognitive Dissonance.
Binary Opposites.

If I could go back and choose between you and the rest of CIMP, you know it'd be you.

How ironic it is: "It Is What It Is" by Lifehouse.

Patching up old friendships. Strengthening new friendships. Forgetting "beyond repair" friendships.

Sensitivity. Insensitivity. Believe it, sensitivity gets you hurt. Insensitivity keeps you safe.
Thus, ignorance is bliss.

There was once a boy who picked up a glass cup from the table, and out of frustration, threw it hard against the wall. The glass cup shattered, and there was no more glass cup.
Moral of the story: Buy more glass cups.

One day, a lady was rushed into the ER because she was stabbed with a knife. The knife was still pierced in her body. The surgeons had to remove it and then stop the bleeding or else she would die from excessive bleeding. Two hours later, the surgeons came with dismay on his face and went to the lady's family to deliver the news. The surgeon said, "The good news is we managed to remove the knife from Jenna's abdomen. The bad news is she pass away as we weren't able to stop the bleeding." Joseph, her husband, shouted through tears in anger," Why weren't you able to stop the bleeding?!" The surgeon replied," Because sir, there was an elephant in the way."

People who look stupid are cool. People who are stupid are damned.

Jim was playing with knives. As Jack was opening his offer of admissions letter from the University of West Michigan, Jim accidentally cut Jack's neck and Jack died. At the funeral, Jack's mom asked Jim how the tragedy happened. Jim explained, "It was a paper cut." Mother believed.

Sleep on my bed, at where my foot lay. But remember to leave the ticks behind.

Will tomorrow be a good day?
Will tomorrow be productive?
Will tomorrow bring me sorrow?
Will tomorrow make me wallow?
Will tomorrow mark a change in my life?
Doubts Doubts.

Traditional milo&hapseng biscuits. Orgasmic.

Two times in one day.

Sleepy. Sleepy.

Shoot me. Stab me. College tomorrow. FML.

Baring it. Baring it.

All's well as for now. Holding on. When I slip, I'll let it all come out.

Disregard. Irrelevant. Ignorance.

Don't wail when he throws the pail.
Don't cry when he die.
Don't mock with your thoughts.

If looks could kill, I'd be a murderer.

Let sleeping dogs lie.
Water under the bridge.

Cooler than the flip side of her pillow.

Avoidance? Mm..

Dance? Footsal?

Anyways, Wonderland calls. Time to sleep.

I wonder if the Mad Hatter would teach me how to Futterwacken tonight. I'd love to learn it.

Goodnight.

Okay, thoughts. You're free.

2010-01-23T08:40:00.000-08:00

"If you wanna go, baby, let's go; if you wanna rock, I'm ready to roll; if you wanna slow down, we'll slow down together. If you wanna walk, baby, let's walk; have a little kiss, have a little talk. We don't gotta leave at all; we can stay here forever- lay here forever."

"Someone's missing in my corner of the world; someone's missing in my life. I'm waiting for you, my sweet love, my sweet love."

"Yes, I was burned. But I call it a lesson learned."

"When I climb these stairs, and meet you there, love's gon go no where. And you gon see me march up each step til I reach heaven's door."

"I'm all alone, and I need you now. Said I wouldn't come, but I've lost all control- I need you now."

Do I still cross your mind?
According to them him I still do.
You don't cross my mind anymore; you're just something annoying people keep reminding me about.

Paranoia. Denial. Annoyance. Frustration. Wannabe. Attention-seeking. Bitch.

I don't need you- now.

She is right. You're pathetic. You try so hard at first to be "popular", now you think you're all that and everyone "wants" you around. ~~Bullocks~~!

Immature.

We're right. It's so pathetic how people run to them just cause they think "them" were their friends.

Immature.

He's right. Your back-talking&bitch-stalking is so annoying- high school kids.

Immature.

Bitter disregards.

They seem cool. Will they stay?

"Unconditionally&irrevocably;forever&almost always." I don't believe.

The new ones are so much better than the old.

Football. American football. American flag football.

Growing up, yes, you're growing up.
Growing up, yes, everyone's growing up.
Growing up, yes, we've definitely grown and are still growing.

Cancer, you stealer.
Cancer, you murderer.
Cancer, you motherfucker.

I miss you; I miss us; I miss we.

"Tired&uninspired." Be gone.

Fight. Fight. Please don't fight.
Back stab. Back stab. You never know, but I never listen.

Cliche. Cliche. Everything's so damn cliche. Tell me something genuine.

I no longer pursue immaturity&denial.
Maturity&acceptance, here cometh I.

Hold my hand, will you? Tell me everything will be okay, will you?
Lie to me, will you?

She made me realize how stupid people can be. I will not waste anymore; if one's gone, it'll be because of them.

Rain on my parade.

Happy Birthday, dearest Cerys.

I will miss them.

August? December? August.

If I could change you,
If I could make you see,
Things would be different;
But they wouldn't be "meant to be".

The rejection, the isolation, the quarantine,
I wish this on nobody.
When you see a loner, you will discriminate;
What if he chose to be a loner, just because people continue to disappoint him?

Sorry, you're not my type.

Love, love, love;
It's everywhere these days.
Only obvious to those that are not in it.

You kissed me once, my fault. You kissed me twice, my fault. You kissed me yet a third time, still, my fault.

Receive; now, attach your definition&perception.
It's different than mine.

insecure, insecure. I choose not to be, therefore I'm not.

A way. A way. A way. A journey. It's not a way. It's an adventure.
Your escape route.

Get out of it. How? Russian Roulette.

I'd try you once, drugs.
I'd try you once, cigarette.
I'd try you once.

I intimidate. I don't realize.

C&C, challenge me. Calculus, rape me.

Rihanna, Chris Brown- stop living.

sweet, sweet, bitter sweet.

I kick off my flip flop, just to feel the sand; I take out my iPod , just to drown my thoughts.

Let's go all the way to Melacca JUST for cendol again.

Gee. Nobody but you!

Boys Like Girls. 29th Jan
Super Jr. (ask Kimberly or Zane)
Ne Yo. thank God he's over.

Ja-
she's not the one. haha! Alex
Je-
I'm not her type.

Acting humble's the best way to be proud without letting others know.

I miss my cousin Jeremy.

Emma Watson.
Rachel McAdams.
Ellen Page.
Sophia Bush.
Maggie Grace.

Good morning, dear. I hope I didn't wake you too soon.

The bloody garden that you planted withered and died. What happened to my garden?

I miss my machas- except those 3.

Why the hell did he make awkward situations even more awkward? What's his fcuking problem? She's not even my interest anymore. I miss her.

My thighs hurt. football. My body hurts. football. My hand hurts. football.

Friday Night Lights. Gossip Girl. One Tree Hill. Glee?

Pants on the ground!

Goodnight.

There are just 4 things that you cannot recover..

2009-12-22T11:01:00.000-08:00

The stone...

...after the throw.

The word...

...after it's said.

The occasion...

...after the loss.

The time...

...after it's gone.

I don't want to hear your 'Christian Opinion'

2009-12-13T09:35:00.000-08:00

Your Arms Feel Like Home (by 3 Doors Down)
I'm lying.

Scars (by Allison Iraheta)
"We all have our scars."
It doesn't matter how many scars i have, or will have, anymore.
I'm scarred for life; it will be my failure.
Actually, leave me another scar.

"Did I say something stupid? There goes one more mistake."

"Overdosing on thoughts again today?"
"Guess so, Ryan."

Gathering, gathering. Accumulating, accumulating. Pushing back, pushing back. Denial, denial.
It's the way it has always been.

Because of you, I've learned to always consider the feelings of others, to be self-less; 'how would others feel?' This will be the biggest cause of failure in my life.

Yet, another failure. Stunned.
Make things work? How? Do you feel it? Do I feel it? I don't know. I think..proceed onwards.

As much as I love going out with you, I hate your car.
It's not you, it's me; I hate asking for transport.
I hate being dependent.

I, too, hate being dependable.
Yes, look for me only if you need something done.
Yes, rely on me for success.
Yes, depend on me to make things right.
No more, please, you failures.

"Crush a bit, little bit; roll it up; take a hit."
Actually, blow it away.

Do I have to go to jail to feel you?
Do I have to put my life on the line to feel you?
Do I have to "cry", "laugh", "scream", or "get a fit" just to feel you?
Yes, I'm pissed. And whose fault is that?

Where should I lay my head tonight?
I don't have security.
I don't have peace.
I don't have 'home'.
Christians, I don't want to hear or know your opinion.

2 more days, Sean, you'll be 17.
What does age matter?
Just another 'teenage phase'.

"I feel..empty." - Steve ("The Last Song")

I'm pissed. I've finished it. What do I have now? Nothing.

I'm sorry things went from that to this. I'm sorry things turned out this way. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm.. Fuck it.

Bitter. Bitter. Bitter. Frustrated. Angry. Pissed Off. Annoyed. Frustrated. Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.

"Make things better."
May I remind you, I'm not God.

"You have to do this; you know what to do."
May I remind you, I'm yet just another 'person'.

"Just.Give.Up; things will come around soon enough."
Denial&Unavoidable.

Do you know what irrevocably&unconditionally mean? You will never know if you can't understand that 4-letter word.

Excluding the drunken squabbles:
"If I were to say 'love is disgusting', I would strike you as a depress, emo, lonely wretch.
Because I am not a depress, emo, lonely wretch, I shall replace disgusting with sacrificial.

Sacrificial comes from the word sacrifice.
If you were to sacrifice something you possess, something you like, something that makes you content.. Doesn't it sicken you? Wouldn't you find it disgusting? Yes, you may say it's for something you like even more. I don't know how to argue this back, but it would be so troublesome.
This attitude will make u a failure.

To sacrifice, one has to be committed into something.
To be committed into something, one has to have a relationship with that something.
To have a relationship with that something, one has to like it more than enough- love it.
I can't love you. I don't trust you. I'm closed. I've yet to open up.

Medication, you make me sleepy. I should overdose on you to put me at rest.

Goodnight, goodnight.
Bitter, bitter.

Souhaitez-vous préfèrent gratitude ou souvenir?

2009-11-30T23:39:00.000-08:00

Le vendredi, nous allons avoir notre Prom- c'est une fois. Il sera étonnant, spectaculaire, excitant, et tout le monde sera béni; souvenirs sera faites. Les gars seront en smokings et les dames en robes élégantes; yeux admiratifs se tailler ces gens magnifiques profondément dans le cerveau.
Feux clignotants à partir de caméras fera preuve de souvenirs sera gravés dans la vie; rires et applaudissements se montrent de solides relations qui ont été construit en quelques mois, certains en jours.
Musique douce et moelleuse remplira l'atmosphère d'amour et d'affection; danses lentes prendra la parole intarissable de l'amour.

Parmi la foule joyeuse et dans l'atmosphère jubilatoire, il y aura un mec. Un garçon, pas la peine d'appeler un homme- pas encore.
Un garçon connu de tous pour faire de cet événement réussi- de fournir eux un souvenir inestimable.
Un garçon qui a tout sacrifié à cette- pour eux:

Le sien relation avec la fille la plus magnifique dans le CIMP.
Le sien matin, après-midi, des soirées et des nuits.
Le sien études, les résultats, et les examens finaux.
Le sien le sommeil, l'énergie, et, dans une large mesure, le sien caractère.
Le sien réputation, le visage et la dignité.
Le sien amis.

Certains vont dire merci à lui- même lui serrer la main. Certains vont le féliciter et parler de sa générosité et sa grande contribution. Certains pourraient même prendre des photos avec lui- à d'être fier de connaître quelqu'un comme lui. La vérité est la suivante:
Une fois cette nuit est terminée, lorsque la musique s'arrête, quand la lumière s'éteint, une fois la porte se ferme, une fois la dernière personne quitte la pièce, ce garçon, celle qui a rendu tout cela possible, il sera oublié. Le sien contributions et les sacrifices serait même jamais être connu. Le sien contributions et les sacrifices serait pour rien- mais un gravé, joyeuse mémoire pour les autres au sein de les quatre murs de béton.

Est-il juste pour lui? Cela valait-il des sacrifices? Non, non ce n'est pas pour lui.
Pourquoi at-il fait alors? Pourquoi il FUCK all pour cela? Parce qu'il a un cœur pour les autres- d'autres, mais pas lui-même.

Je suis désolé, mais ce n'est pas assez bien une raison.
Alors, je n'ai plus rien à dire. J'ai échoué.

"Today, I've just realized, thanks to my 'now-friend', that I've lost myself- lost myself for others.
I, Sean Ryan, have lost myself."

I secretly want to be found.

Façade

2009-11-28T07:40:00.000-08:00

I'm showing I'm strong,
I'm showing nothing's wrong.
I'm showing my funny face,
Fear, anxiety, trembles- you will never trace.

But I'm breaking down with a thousand and one uncertainties & insecurities,
over every fucking thing that I have to accomplish and face.

Someone strike me, hard.
Shoot me- with a shot or a bullet.

By one means or another you, whom i met, will leave.
Inevitable
Just tell me one thing:
~~Do you give a flying fuck?~~ Where were you?

I have just received two 50mL bottles of Drambuie- one in each hand.
As it goes, "A balanced diet is a cookie on each hand."
I say, "A balanced mind is a shot in one hand, and a pill in the other."
I guess a shot can replace the pill.

Down it goes.
Out it went.
Good bye, consciousness.

Studying is a waste of life, just like how your face is a waste of memory space.

2009-11-23T05:10:00.000-08:00

Do you wanna know a secret?
I'm a nerd.
I'm a nerd not because I have nothing better to do.
I'm a nerd because my close friends aren't around.
I'm a nerd because my close friends aren't around
to have nothing better to do with.

Do you wanna know a secret?
I like her.
I like her not because there isn't anyone else.
I like her because she put up a fight against me.
I like her because there isn't anyone else who would put up a fight
against me- to not having them.

Prom, Prom.
Cinderella & her prince had her night, why can't we all?
They wait for their fairy Godmothers, while scrubbing their toilet floors.
Berly, please come for prom. ):

Hope they don't come for prom.
Such an eyesore.
Some call them "Beauty & the Beast".
I call them "Ugly Bitch & the Annoying-Hairy Blob".
No one wants them there anyway.

She's back! She's back!
OMFUDGEGUMSCHEESECAKES!! :D :D
Driving! Birthday! SEX..................?

Stress stress stress stress.
Teachers can be so bitchy sometimes.
If only I had the time&energy to do something about it.
Mr. Endran! You the best, though!! :D

Pulling the trigger harder will not send the bullet flying faster.

How can I concentrate on my finals when that bitch is not doing anything but laughing?!

Even breathing is a joke to her! Put a sock in your bloody saggy mouth and DO SOMETHING about it!

I'm sorry it was set there.
I didn't know it was the depiction of a prostate cancer patient.

Music deprived? Not lately.

2nd last day of the semester.
I'll miss you guys ):

I'm glad I've met you, you, you, & mostly, you.

New phone. New girl. New friends. Better life.

Dance dance- we're falling apart through half time.
Will I catch up? can I catch up?

Cell, 2 weeks.
Church, 1 week.

On my bed lies: a folder, a note pad, & bio notes.
On my head lies: prom, prom tickets, finals, Kym, Kathy, & sleep.
On my heart lies: blood vessels.

Whataya want from me by Adam Lambert
I hate it when people expect something from me. Even if it's just a smile.

Bring It Back by Kris Allen
There's just so many past memories I wanna relive.

Somebody To Love by Leighton Meester ft. Robin Thicke
Believe in it. Rhetorical.
Anywhere But Here by Mayday Parade
Addicted. Take me to the beach; or your lake.

Just Like You by Allison Iraheta
Coming out soon. Love the song.

still hate the immature people. like that fucking fat hairy pimply shit face.

Pimplism.

Roses are dry, violets are black;
Tables have turned, can't help but live.

Babe, where you at? Mess up my sheets with me, again.

Yawning Sessions With Champ ; Funny Faces

2009-09-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Yawn(s)
Sean: 4 yawns Champ: 3 yawns
All in within 10 minutes.
I won you, you son of a bitch!
I love you, Champ.

Champ, why've you been sleeping with me in my room the past 2 mornings?
You know you snore damn noisy right? Your jingle-bell chain also so loud.
I'll never forget you.

My loyalty to this blog has temporarily shifted to this lame-ass one.
It's pathetic&lame; why am I wasting my time with it.
Student council obligation.

Fate took my heart by surprise and throw a fast one at me; too hard to catch- almost impossible. I never would've expected it, and now my heart's tearing apart- shattering behind a funny face.

I never intended to hurt you.
I never wanted to make you feel this way- again.
I never needed us to fall for love if I knew from the start.
But it was my fault. You showed a warning- I refused. I'm an idiot.
It's hard; I know why I can't accept you (my stand), but I don't know if it will change. I'm sorry.

I have no right to judge you- I don't want to.
Fuck boundaries; screw principles; to hell with stands- if only it was possible.

You set up a defense, only to have me tear it down and make you hurt again.
You deserve to bitch-slap the whiny bitch, I won't refuse you.

Funny Face by Backstreet Boys
"Everytime I think you're sad, I just make a funny face." Do it for me too, Kymi.
"I like it when you smile." Morning sunlight streaming through my window. It brightens my whole day.
"I like it when you laugh." My heart skips a beat- or two.

Go by Boys Like Girls
"But I got a little hope today you'll face your fears." You did, Kymi. I was extremely proud & I thought everything would be heaven from then on. Til that came up.. I'm sorry.
"Yeah I know it's not easy, I know it's hard." It took you loads of courage, only you would know how much, to finally fall for me. I just couldn't accept.. I'm sorry.
"Yea I know you could make it through cause I believe in you." I told you this, & yet I gave you back fear.. I'm sorry.

Two Is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift (our song)
"I remember what you wore on the first day." A dark colored top, from across the bend at Orange; you holding your books, with Shauna, walking back to college.
"You came into my life." Ethar introduced us.
"And I thought: 'hey, you know, this could be something.'" When I was with you at the foyer, alone. The first time we were alone.
"And now I'm left with nothing." Why did I bring it up? Why can't I accept it? Why?
"Well maybe two is better than one." I used to think this alot- before I Introduced this song to you; when it was my favourite song then.
"There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life." I thought this when I told you, 'take however long you want, I'll wait for you.'
"I remember every look upon your face, the way you toll your eyes, the way you taste- you make it hard for breathing." 'Fishlips retarded cause can open close big weird eyes', I'm missing you.
"Cause when I close my eyes and drift away, I think of you and everything's okay." When you were stress, I was your chill pill- always around you. When i was stess, I just had to smell my black hoodie- your smell.
"And finally now, we're leaving." Letting go- but things might turn around. We don't know.

You always wore my hoodie the reverse way, & I wear it the right way.
It's like we're holding each other- hugging in our arms.

FUCK this pain.
Can't show, won't show. Funny face.

"The Time Traveler's Wife". I'm waiting.
I bought the book for us. Guess I'll be the only one reading it now.

"Rain is sentimental to me; It always rains when a memory is made." - Sean Ryan
It wouldn't stop raining today.

Does our slow dance end? I don't want it to, but..
There's always a fucking 'but'.

Hugs. Sorry I don't hug back.

Afraid of prom cause it'll be special. It would have been- I would've made it, for us.

Starting out the slow dance, you & I, to Two Is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls.
Goodbye, fantasies, love, hope, dream.

Black Eye Peas next week. Iman&Ehsan? (:

Student council is shit.
People, please stop asking me what student council's up to. Ask your president, himself. We have no ideas about his intentions except him and his "girlfriend". What we know are these:

"OMG! Halloweeen!! Woo Hoo!! This is so exciting!! It'll be better than prom!"
Immature. Highschool. I agree, Ms. Yeng? Fuck it!
Take a month or so JUST TO DECIDE on having prom. Even proposed Heaven&Hell theme. Talk about Prom for just 10 minutes or less.
Might as well decide on having prom one month before December 4th right? No offense, but Heaven&Hell theme? Mm.. Appealing in did, watching 17-20 year olds wearing angel wings + halos or devil coats and horns. So wonderful, like a circus. (:
DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT PROM?! I don't mean to brag, but if it weren't for my heart for prom, we might actually have it in the badminton court in Sunway Lagoon Club like you proposed or MPH!
She's in charge of conduct within council.
Yes, feel free to repeat EVERY SINGLE DAMN RULE THAT WAS ALREADY TOLD BY THE TEACHER- least you have the courtesy to change the words. It's okay, we're just wasting our life listening to it. Thank God it was only for that day.

Whiny bitch, I am.
Manja bitch, you are.

Kathy, I was suppose to see you tomorrow. I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry. I wanted to.
I'm breaking apart behind inside, and this just adds to it.

Music, you are my remedy.

Cries, trails of tears.
It's okay, it's within my 4 walls.

"Just tell them I don't like you anymore, okay? They will believe you anyway, since I'm only 16 going on 17. It's believable. They don't have to know why."

I have so many new songs. Least it gets me slightly happy thinking about it.

I wrote you a song, Kymi. I'll try to use my holiday to perfect it, kay?

Your pretty eyes they mesmerize me;
Capturing me here, Where my heartbeats.
The sweetest voice I would ever hear;
You singing your songs, leading me on.

And I will never let you go..
No matter what you think you know.
Cause, baby, there is nothing else, I want more,
Than to be here with you, singing my love songs

Your smile, it's like the morning sunlight flooding my room.
Brightening my day, when I look at you.
Your touch, sensation flowing through my body like wild fire;
Burning desires, long just to feel you move.
Longing just to be with you.

Your twirls, me and you, velvety sands, hand in hands.
(slow dancing by the sea side)
Rainy days, snuggled babes, thoughts of us, filled with love.
(slow dancing by the sea side)
Slow dancing, us, in our eyes.

p.s.- I might make changes yeh? I don't know. Hmm..

"Love & Shame" from a crushed, in-love individual.

2009-08-17T02:50:00.000-07:00

MTV World Stage was awesome!
Stiff neck! It aches.
Dharma! Ian! Neck Brace!! Suzanne you can put a plank on your back! Haha! Shauna! Leg brace?! :D
Rockin' on the Boys Like Girls & the All American Rejects- still am.

New songs. My soundtracks.
Sharing any? Only with you.
New band. New singers.
Like any? HELL YEAH!
Catchy beats they play eh?
"Just Because" & "Waiting In Line"

Dear you,

I wanna spent tonight On Top Of The World with you. I want it to rain; so I could sleep listening to the Thunder. When that day comes, & yes I believe it will, I will be your Hero/Heroine, you can be mine. Two Is Better Than One; doesn't it just sound perfect with us? What else can I say? We will make the Great Escape, you and I. I testify too, that I've stopped getting drunk, but being Love Drunk for you- I'll survive the hangover. Maybe someday I could take you on a Holiday with me too. Sorry, I'm not letting go.

Your acq (for now)

Yeah, Boys Like Girls. You're my favourite band.
Always was, always will be.
Seeing you perform was great.
All out!

Lecture in love & relationship.
Not the one who needed it.
Guess you needed to remind yourself eh?
Doesn't hurt to hear a few pointers anyway.

I'll show you- what maturity is.

Love is not only about all the ups & downs.
Everyone always forgets about the in-betweens.

Smile. Eyes. Character. Attitude.
You spun the web; I fell into the trap.

It isn't a game.
I hate playing, anyway.

Instincts, speak to me? What do I do?

Jack.
All Jack's are cool.
All Jack's are white.
All Jack's smoke.
All Jack's are players.
All Jack's are funny.
"Hey! You're a Jack. You must be cool, white, funny, a player and you smoke eh?(:"

You don't know me.

Age is shit to me.
What you've experienced, I've also had.

You don't know more than me.
I'm not being proud. I'm not reprimanding/scolding.
I just don't know why. Maybe it was just a reminder eh?

Frustration. Annoyance.
Stupid iTouch!

Love drives you crazy!

Kathy, I miss you.
Ming, where've you been? but forgotten.

If she gives me hell, I.. wanted to say something mean.
But I'm in no mood to actually do anything am I? Not worth it.

K's got my heart.
Fell fast, not hard. Still falling.
Suspending in air.
Let me fall.

"I won't throw in something I can't get back out."

Add people you don't know on facebook seems to be the trend now eh? At least it makes people "popular". If flushes loneliness away- temporarily. "Good Job"- Jason Mraz
Childish. When will people grow up?

Issit a big deal? Do people actually care about her relationship?
What relationship?
They told me it was so weird.
Then I found out about it. So I guess that's a no.
Hahahaha! At least through that I know she's in a relationship- that wouldn't last. Sorry.

Support Support. Where've they gone? They never existed. This is all just a dream. Denial.

"Who cares yeah?" that's what he said.
You're right I won't care.
We'll just do it our way yeah?
No one has to know about it.

Tell the whole world. Shame.
Doesn't matter yeah, cause you're graduating anyway. You won't see them anymore. At least for the next few months you get to be famous!
Before loneliness bites you again.
After college: "Oh, are you okay?" or "What happened?".
5 minutes of fame. Your wish came throught.
It's not lust this time. It's fame.

stop visiting this site then. it's all just drunken squabbles.

Sad, sad. Depressing.
But so funny. Haha!
Poke & poke and your finger will break.

I don't tell you about this site. so don't find out about it.

Survival of the fittest.

Hey how was the Malacca trip? Pictures look really cool! Hope ya'll had fun eh?

MTV World Stage! Head Bangin'! Chest Thumpin'! Adrenaline!
Love.

Seeyous

Dearest Melody, from the Jack of Lames

2009-08-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

Blogging's just "che" to Sarah, even though she blogs too.
or maybe cause I'm the one blogging that why it's "che". Hmm..
I'll show you what's "che"!

this is a "che"! IN CHINESE! Cause we're Chineses..
Kae Mern, I blame you for my lameness!

Lewis, Ian, Alfred, and Suzanne, I DID NOT GET RAPED!

I have heat rash.
Rash.
Little bumps.
Little Miss Bumps.
She's not a hooker!

MTV World Stage Malaysia approaches nearer!
Sorry Mr. Chen for not going to Malacca. If I did I'd belanja you cendol. Maybe next time (:
Wu Jeat, my cousin.
The Grandparent's Anniversary.
Mother's side.

Itchy itchy bumps. FCUK!

I'm making a blog for this 2nd Semester of CIMP 2009- upon request of Ms. Rhenu.
May I be in charge? Yi Bei, Ehsan, Iman, & I would ROCK SOCKS OUT!!

Today was short period day. Period Period. Haha! Period.
Kim! Stop laughing! LOL!

Dearest Melody,
Through thick and thin you've been, but stay strong at heart; you'll definitely win. A man may mean everything to you, now or later, but never will he be worth it if he will make you cry-desperately your shining tears out on sweet, starry nights. That, you're over, I'm glad and thankful, but don't fall prey to another one anytime, neither sooner nor later. I may not have watched you grow, we may not be as close as what childhood friends make, but I know you well enough to say that you're strong, stubborn at times, but strong nonetheless. That phase of your life made you strong indeed, but never let it make you "never love again". I'm happy for you that you're happy with another. Just remember your past mistakes and abstain from circumstances that may lead to that. You're 18 now- as of today. Older than me by 2 years- currently. You're one hell-of a dancer & you're really fun to be with. You listen to me and our perception of the hypocrites are similar. We like the same songs too! I know we only meet once a week, but thankfully that never delayed the growth of our friendship. All the best in your studies, relationship, & mending family bonds. I say it now, yes, even if you want me not to, because I believe you will fix it one day. (: You know you will. You're strong. Strong to fix it.

From:
The Jack of Lames & your coolest church friend

Bio Unit 1 Test: 38/43 = 88.3%

Careless Mistakes! SUCK &SWALLOW!

"I know, it's been awhile; I should call you." - Maria Mena
Kathy, long time no see. Long long.

Sometimes I don't get myself at all. Mm..

Jeremy left last night.
Went to the airport with Nick, Juss, & Fatty.
We had to smell Fatty's durian-burp. Deesgusting! What to do? ): Haha!

People always leave. One after another. Who's next?

"There are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is one."

- Lucas Scott of One Tree Hill

Still don't watch One Tree Hill? Your lost.
Butt pain. Sit too long.

"Hey Zen, What's Hot and starts with a 'K'?" He asks in class.
"I don't know!" she retorts.
Kim-B does.

She's in college. She's so pretty.
I shouldn't have dropped Ms. Nancy's World Issues!
Sorry Ms. Nancy. Sorry destiny.

Friends this sem are cool although some CIMPians are just plain weird.
Today, weird guy approaced Ehsan, Iman, An Ting, Yi Bei, & I.
Is he gay?

Dawn's party at Madigras 1Utama soon.
Transport. Friends.
Hmm..

Dilemma. Friend says when there's always a dilemma, just choose.
OBVIOUSLY!

"The Warning" by Eminem
Mariah, you're fcuked. Anything worse than dying is being on Eminem's bad side.

This from Nat, found it funny:

Off to sleep. Dream, Dream.
All we have to do is dream- there it starts.

MTV World Stage Malaysia will make me smile even if things, like you, don't seem right. Oh yeah, you're forgotten.

2009-07-31T03:16:00.000-07:00

Sean Ryan is not CIMP's new president.
Why?
Thank you fellow friends for skipping the assembly; thus, missing the chance to vote me as your president. 100+/600 came for assembly. Literally. Comments? What.The.Fuck?
No, Dharma, I'm not down about it anymore and sorry, my pride&ego still lives on (:

Good News:

I still have a post in the council as a General Member.
I can concentrate on studies and have time to do other stuffs.
Sharwind and Yi Bei won a seat in council as well- so I'm not alone.
Friends say & agree that CIMP this semester is so dead, being president would be torturous.
I'm still a popular celebrity in college. (Not like it matters, unless you're one of them that conforms to society just so you can have friends.)

Bad News:

I actually wanted to President's position.
I can't plan prom and Halloween party the way I want it.
2 friends called me a loser, and Dharma agrees.
Sharwind's the Treasurer & Yi Bei's head publicity officer, and I'm not their President.
My friends wanted me as President. (Yet they skipped assembly. The irony.)

Life as a CIMP-ian still goes on.

IDC class's still awesome&fun. Mr. Chen's really cool and great. Class seating is as desribed:
My throne's beside Zen's and on the other side sits Wu Jeat. Yi Bei, the Clapper, and Sharon, the Happy, are behind me. The Cool&Stylish Indians conquers the 2nd and 3rd rows infront of me, excluding Julius the Hilarious and Melissa the Sporting who are in front of me as well. Kim the One-Who-Pays-Attention, sits diagonal from me beside Choon Han the Tired. Evan and Leon, the Twins, are beside Wu Jeat. Cool Matt and his subordinate Joshua conquers the right column's first row. Behind this right column sits Mei Cheen the Silent, Chen the Funny, and Cedric.

Bio class has the atmosphere of a funeral. Not cause of Mr. Q, but I guess science-stream students don't really know how to have a life. Excluding me, of course. My seat varies from Caryn&Celina to beside Alice or Shina.

Functions class's is survivable. Mr. Thamandran's hilarious and fun. Ashley's funny. Two guys infront of me are friendly. Jay Son's cool too I guess. Brenda, my answer key, and her friend, my great staple friend, are helpful. Keshou, Mena and the other guy are funny and cool too.

Had stitches this morning.
"Men who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with ~~smelly fingers~~, unstoppable bleeding." - Confucious

(Before) Standing up. Feeling wet. Looking down. PERIOD STAIN!
(After) Standing up. Nothing seems wrong. Tells friends about whole incident. Nesh says to stop anal sex, Alfrod says he's sorry.
HAHAHAH! DAMN YOUs! Sorry to you gays out there, but this is a joke. I'm not gay.

Top 10 songs of the week:

"Another Heart Calls" by The All-American Rejects
"I Wanna" by The All-American Rejects
"The Mess I've Made" by Parachute
"Sad Song" by Blake Lewis
"Love Drunk" by Boys Like Girls
"Back To Me" by The All-American Rejects
"The Wind Blows" by The All-American Rejects
"Run" by Taylor Swift
"Beautiful" by Eminem
"Maybe" by Ingrid Michaelson

Bio first test on Monday.
IDC got another presentation.
Functions chillax.

Justin's coming home tomorrow.

Can't swim for one week.
Can't play sports for one week.
Can't bath properly for one week.

Mom chose lunch over me.

I shall not be moved from Jammy's Detox Campaign!
Evan the Tempter is strong, but the will to stay clean shall reign!
I wanna go Karaoke.

You idioitc, embarrasing, loser! I've never come across anyone so weird until you. Stop being a Wanna-be! Talk Big Sing Song, but don't do shit. THEN DON'T TALK! I want to be your friend, but you make it so hard without even trying or noticing. Piss me off.

As for you, I hope you have fun with them. Immature and irresponsible loner. Sooner or later, you'll be a little bitch running back to me. This will be your greatest regret. You know why? Because when they're gone, you will have no one. Like in the first place, until you knew me. Neglect me now, I'll neglect you forever. I don't care about you anymore. You're not my bestfriend anyway, and therefore I'm not obligated to give a flying fuck about you. Don't forget, I know how you think. You, are officialy un-importatnt to me. Have fun talking to walls or yourself next time. You have NO true friends anyway. If I'm a friend why don't I just say all that to your face? Because you love the game of implication. So I'll give you one last game you will lose in.

MTV World Stage Malaysia!!!! HELL YEAH!

Boys Like Girls.

All-American Rejects.

Hoobastank.

WHAT MORE?! Can't wait, Can't wait!
Pillow, I promise you I'll tell you about it and show you pics if possible so you won't "miss out" (:

Tired. Naruto. Sleep.

It's so funny how she friend's friends to use them, but when the time comes for her to use them, they are not there. Mmm.. Irony.Thank God I'm not like that, or I wouldn't have so many things fall into place like before.

Kathy, I was bleeding and all you said was, "I'm gonna shit." THANKS!

Music later, Music tonight.
Hungrrryyyyy!! For music too!

Off to watch s'thing.
No, Wu Jeat, not porn. I'm not Matt or Brian. Hahahahaha!

Seeyous

Sean Ryan as President!

2009-07-19T01:28:00.000-07:00

The week's been good. There were alotta sarcasm and things I would've talked about in here that passed me by, but I was just to lazy to write. Thus, I can't remember what they were.

However, song of the week's definitely got to be: "Still" by Matt Nathanson
You're welcome Kim (:

Also, you gotta check out the funniest man alive!
Kumar the Drag Queen 1
Kumar the Drag Queen 2
Kumar the Drag Queen 3
Thanks An Ting, my life is brighter thanks to this. Haha!(:

I also did these sometime in the week cause I'm such a great friend:

Hahahaha! Damn look alike right? Sorry Dan, I just had to. You can't kill me cause I gave you my Chem notes. haha

Found out I suck at Advance Functions really badly. Thanks to Mena & Jayson that I can carry on in life with it. Getting the hang of it though. Mr. Tharm's really cool and funny so I guess that's a plus side to the class. He recently had a knee surgery.

Getting used to Bio too. Mr. Q's cool. I love Fridays when we watch something like discovery channel. Last friday we watched one about exploring caves, it was beautiful mann. Didn't know some creatures even existed. No, Caryn. I didn't miss much. I only slept for 15 minutes.

IDC's still, by far, my favourite class cause we haven't been doing anything much except laugh at some malay people in the film "Putri Gunung Ledang". Hilarious. Mr. Chen's the best. No, not you Jian Bhin.

Do you know how annoying it is when someone asks you this: "How ar?"
Infront, I smile and answer politely. Inside, I'm screaming "FUCKING bang your head on the wall & find your brain!"
I may be smart, wise, hot, sexy, awesome, and good looking, but sometimes I can't give a shit about your problems- seriously.
This doesn't apply to myself (:

It's been been 9 days now and I still haven't met you.
"Let it die, you just saw her on my blog," she says.
"But I'll go anywhere she wants just to see her," I reply.
"Aww, go to her college hang a sign on yourself asking her.. or her house with a tux and a bouquet of flowers," she suggested.
"I wouldn't mind if I knew her, but I don't. I wouldn't mind the flower part and going there though," I answered- honestly.
"How could you?" she wonders.
"Imprint," I figured.

I'm running for CIMP's student council president.
I'm confident.
Hope I get astounding council members.

I miss them as usual.

Weekend isn't so stressful, Thank God. Procastinating work- a habit developed this semester. Why? Holiday moood!

Cancelled plans today to sleep from 12pm-3pm. Yes friends, I neglect you for sleep. Hah! (:

What's cooler than being cool?
ICE COLD!

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck would chuck wood?
a) Too much wood.
b) Wood chuck can't chuck wood.
c) Oh Sean, I'm too stupid. Please help me.

I wanna swim. Can't swim. Lewis isn't around. Isaac Check just dyed his hair.

Would you leave a person dangling? It hurts. Would you not talk to him? It hurts. Would you keep him on a string? It hurts. But YOU would. Yes you, you know who you are. Don't try to hide. I'm not trying destroy you.
I want to protect you before karma strikes.

I'm off to walk my dog.

VOTE FOR SEAN, YOUR NEW PRESIDENT!!!

If not, you won't have any friends in CIMP. Kidding

1st Day of 2nd Semester in College

2009-07-08T06:31:00.000-07:00

... also known as the day of Michael Jackson's memorial.
No doubt he contributed a lot to the music industry & to charity- we, the people.
This, to me, is his best contribution: "We Are The World"
However, watching the memorial service through television with my mother beside me totally killed whatever mood of sympathy I was having. *snifff*

MJ's brother sang "Smile" really badly. Killed the whole song, and the mood.
Usher's version of "Gone Too Soon" was rather pitchy.
The weird one who sang "We Are The World" was such a disgrace.
I should've sang for MJ's tribute. Why wasn't I called?

Wanted to, could have, and tried to sleep early last night but the devil kept me awake. Damn you, StoneLoops!
Also received msgs from Mun Yee, Kimberly, and Lewis. I should turn off my phone next time. Hmm..
Couldn't go swimming today.

Anyway, first class at 9.45am was IDC. I learned that my lecturer, Mr. Chen is really cool and hilarious. I already know this class will be my favourite amongst the others, despite the subject being thought. Zen Yee, Mun Yee, Leon, Wu Jeat, Chen, Kimberly, Yi Bei, Angela, and Choon Han are in my class as well. Should be fun.
Few lessons were already taught in IDC today .
Lesson 1)
The Malay Anus was written for the Malays by the Malays. At least that was what Mr. Chen told me. What? You mean Annals? Oh Sorry.
Lesson 2)
Apparently my first semester friend Kimberly is actually called Kimburry and she's from India. I'm shocked Kim!
Lesson 3)
Liew Sin was my name all along. I've been lied to!
Lesson 4)
Motor rhymes with King Kong & Hing Kong
Lesson 5)
Chen's name is not actually Chen.

The list goes on..

Second class was Bio. Daniel's sister's really cute. I've made a friend. No, I won't be too friendly. She's 18. Mr. Quarrie has taught Justin Bio before. This class is gonna be pretty good too. He gave us instructions on how to fail the course! I love it!
"Familiar face you have, do you have a brother in CIMP?" he asks.
"He was in CIMP sir. Justin Liew." I replied
"Oh no wonder, it's like im seeing Justin all over again," he remarks.
"Sir, will I have a problem in this course if I haven't studied bio for 1 year +?" I ask
"As long as you're like Justin, you should be fine," he smiles.

Justin this, Justin that. I'm sorry. This is Sean.

I love the song "Careless Whisper" by George Michael.
But only until 10 minutes ago til I found out he is gay.
Disgusting.

Had lunchw with old time friend, Evan.
And his soon-to-be, Mun Yee.

Last class was Advance Functions. Confessed to Mr. Tharm my highschool was in a basement. Told him I'm from PJ and I hope he won't stalk me. He's cool. Entered class late as well. Apparently my lecturer's were mixed up.

I can't believe they started teaching today? It's the first day of college, damnit!
Sigh.

I used to think the lyrics "Gone Too Soon" was actually "Gone to school".
I used to think people like Wako Jako were immortal.
I used to think popularity was everything.

My holidays were damn fun. I cant believe they're gone now.

I injured my lower left back. Futsal.

I'm getting fat. I need to exercise

I helped out in college orientation yesterday. Mom says I look like a lobster. I beg to defer.
MunYee wants me to run for council. Indian guy wants me to run for president- he promised me the votes of the Indians. Sheena says the least troublesom jobs are GA, 2nd sem Rep, and Treasurer. I dont know I dont know I dont know I dont know!!

I met Lerry yesterday. Gawd, how she's grown. So is Ashley. What about the guys of Vineryard? Jaryl? Sam? Ivan? Curiosity.

I feel lethargic.
I haven't been msging her):
I feel a need to msg her.
I want to msg her.

Jeff was being annoying.

Books! Books! Sell Books! Buy Books!

Choreographing steps for "Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3 with Bern and for Bern, so you'll never catch me alive dancing it for you! Still in progress though.

Kai Ping wants to challenge Bio with me. I surrender. I proposed Chemistry, he accepted.
BRING IT ON BITCH!!

Weird people are adding me on facebook. I don't know you! I don't want to! STOPPP!! I'm tired of clicking "ignore". Technically, if I were to ignore them I wouldn't have to click "ignore" would I? Thus, an error of facebook.

Justin's in NZ. He called just now to speak to the parents.
"Hey did you know we have the same Bio teacher, Mr. Quarrie?"
"How issit there?"
"Is Cerys' cooking nice?"
"What've you guys been up to?"
"When does Cerys' start her uni again?"
"Send my regards to her and Aunt Theresa's family yeah?"
I will never know his response.
"Yeah, Whatever."- anyway.

"I'm going to Canada next year."
"Oh, are you excited?"
"Yes&no. I can't wait to get outta here and continue studying. I'm also flying the same time as Justin is to UK, so it'll be a while til we get to see each other again."
Ming knows.

"Do you really wanna go to Canada next year?" Stop BLOODY asking before I get fickle!

Thank God he met her.
I know my her, but I don't want this to grow.

I miss you too, Fatts.
I can't wait to see you next year.
We'll be together so much they will turn to you and ask, "Hey! Where's Sean?" and to me, "Hey! Where's Kathy?"
We deserve our time with each other. Yeah, we do.

Hug me til my balls drop & Hug you til your eyes bulge out like that weird little rodent in Madagascar. Love

Will I ever lose?

Time's not rewinding.

Good night. For now.

Beautiful by Eminem

2009-07-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

Vulgarity aside, this song has stolen the heart of my ears.

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you

I'm just so fuckin' depressed
I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up
I don't know how I pry away
And I ended up in this position I'm in
I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that
I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow
But I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
Copy
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles

Chorus
Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that...
I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need fucking man servin'
Tryin to follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like that
Ahh Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles

Chorus
Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands with doubt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tungue on the frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least
What size you where?
I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet

Chorus
Walk my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful OoOo
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sOoOoo

Lately I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone... sOoOoo
Are you calling me, are you trying to get through OoOo
Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you sOoOoo Oo Oo

Yea... To my babies. Stay strong. Daddy will be soon
And to the rest of the world, god gave you the shoes
That fit you, so put em on and wear em
And be yourself man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny,
Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful

Rest In Peace Even If Your Heart Lies In Pieces, MJ

2009-06-25T22:18:00.000-07:00

Did you see the sky this morning? Gloomy. Dark. Tearful. Heart-aching.
True enough, it cried.
Somehow weather has an effect on mood, no? Well, it does for me.
- and for today, it has the same effect on the whole world.
Why? You must be Patrick Star to have not known what had happened already.
Sorry Patrick.

"Woke up and wished that I was dead, with an aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed."- The Weepies.
Well, in the King of Pop's case, a.k.a our beloved Michael Jackson, he didn't have to wish for it. The ache, as well, wasn't in his head but his heart. MJ passed away this morning in the hospital due to a heart attack he suffered in his LA home. Was it an O.D that has caused such tragedy? Probably. Why? He couldn't take reality anymore. But it's just my assumption.
MJ, may your soul rest in peace even if your heart lay in pieces.
He had really cool dance moves, and freaky face- that's it.

I'm addicted to "21 Guns" by Green Day.
I dedicate this song in tribute to our late King of Pop.

Transformers 2 was spectacular, fantastic, awesome, marvelous, fabulous, & revering. No doubt the best movie of 2009. Megan Fox is orgasmic.

"... one step forwards and two steps back."- Theory of a Deadman
Frustration. Doesn't it just piss you off?
He likes her. She likes him? I like shim- Megan Fox. Is the rumor cleared yet?
"... and I guess I'm just too young to play with love."- Esmee Denters feat. J.T

"Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."- Eminem
What I wish for, is not for them to have left me.
What I wish for, is not for him to have passed away.
What I wish for, is to go.

"When I saw you... my mind was everywhere, I wanna know you."- Miley Cyrus
"You smile and... stand out in the crowd."- Miley Cyrus feat. David Archuleta
But that's about it.
"When will I see you, again?"- Three Degrees

"Judgments don't apply."- Cindy Lauper
This is true no? Only if you don't give a shit.

Last night, I downloaded a few songs.
This afternoon, I updated & filtered each song to put into my iTouch.
Then what? I don't know. I'm not Dakota Fannings in "Push".
But you don't have to be a watcher to know that there's a concert in Glad Tidings PJ tonight.

Bachelor of Science. Canada or U.S?

Dilemmas.
"Because you said you like to know what happens next." Nate Archibald to Blair Waldorf.
But sometimes I don't want to know.
Times like these, I do want to know. How? I don't have a "forward" or "rewind" button in life.
Where's the reset button in life? I heard Aladin stole it and hid it somewhere. Bloody street-rat.

Have you heard the Jonas Brother's songs? I have to say, "Paranoid" is the shittiest music of our century, and yet it's getting air-plays. Makes me paranoid of what song comes next now.
However, "Before the Storm" and "Much Better" doens't sound bad.

sleepy sleepy.
Movies. One Tree Hill.

Time After Time

2009-06-22T02:18:00.000-07:00

Time stops for no one; it doesn't even walk.
It's disturbing to have a pair of ears where one side hears the creatures of the world complain about how bored they are and how they wish time would go by faster, whereas the other side hears about how there's so much to do but so little time- frequently from the same people. Is this irony? If you actually sat down and dwell on these two concepts over and over again (simultaneously), subconsciously, your "internal timing" would be practically messed up as well.
Days seem short; night seems long.
We, teenagers who would reign the world next time, are distorting time itself- for ourselves & others.
To us, days are nights and nights are days. Is this incorrect? I don't know. Perhaps not if you wouldn't mind living in darkness and sleeping in "the light". No wonder most of us, conforming to this, are turning out into something else. What? I don't know. Barney? He looks normal even though he's on crack right? Guess that's us. We look normal, but we're hiding something. What? Well, I hide my interest of studying & books by talking trash about it.

Thus, our parents don't understand us. Not only for this reason though.
Please, enlighten me on which case is worse:
a) Parents are desperately seeking advices from other failing parents on how to communicate with their children.
or
b) Parents are complaining about not being able to communicate with their children because they assume that we children don't know anything.
or
c) Parents remain in denial to persuade themselves to believe that we children are the problem instead of themselves.
Of course, what can they do wrong?
Parents will be parents as a cow will only be a cow.
My parents, I love them. Are they like these? Hell No.
"I'm just talking shit."- Joe Budden

Do you remember the time we skipped classes to shoot some hoops?
Do you remember the time we skipped school to meet up with friends?
Do you remember the time we got naughty in my room?
Do you remember the time we first hold hands?
Do you remember the time we walked to McDonald's together?
Do you remember the time we hung out at the playground behind your house?
Do you remember the time we went for that Christian concert at church, and I swore so loudly there?
Do you remember the time I told you I stole a gold chain from that shop?
Do you remember the time I first slapped you because you slapped me first?
I remember.
I lied. I remember the event, not the time.

Thanks to my murderer, I've learned a new disease- bipolar disorder. Somtimes I wonder if I'm suffering from it, or the people around me are suffering from it. Or we're all suffering from it. "Ryan, you need help. I'll go with you. I think I need to hear what will be said to you at the clinic too."

Have you ever judged anyone? I do. So often. Everyday. If I got a dime for every time I judged someone, I'd be richer than Bill Gates. Why do I judge? Technically, it's the same as how you stand when you pee, or what your face looks like when you sleep. Except, this is just not a healthy part of me. Gotta admit thought, I haven't took my meds for the past 5 years.
"Ma, where's my LSD? Can't find it? It's alright, my Coke will do."

I don't do this to everyone, but;
I discriminate people because I am all self-righteous.
I judge others because people, in general, have disappointed me all too often.
I do not jump at someone, introduce myself, and wiggly my hands like a fag because I don't see the point in being social when your "friends" won't be by your side always.
Words of the depressed? No. I'm beyond depression & sulking. I'm going to be what Cane had been trying to drill in my head for the past 17 years of my life- a Realist.

"Which came first? The chicken or the egg?"
Who knows?
If you say chicken because a god couldn't lay an egg, I'm sorry but you're on crack. Could a god lay a chicken? Yes or no, you've got my point.
Perception is the answer to everyday life decision and choices.
I fail to believe a person when he says "I can't make up my mind" or "I don't know."
Only people are be able to make choices and decision.
If you can't, I'm sorry but you're pathetic.

I know I'm constantly, and drunkenly, ranting on the essence of perception being the ruler of a person's life. I'm just pissed at my own perception. You wouldn't know. I guess perception comes with time for some people.

I hate immature people. Jealousy&envy?

Often, at times, I find myself forgetting the people around me have been on earth 1 year or few months longer than me. So to me, age is nothing. I am yous and you are my equal. Is this bad? Time will tell.

"I love you." I can't believe he has the fucking balls to tell a bitch such sacred words. That immature, bastard- oh I forgot. He's older than me.
"I love you too." Bitch, you might as well FUCK the Devil. I hope you get your heart & soul broken up and torn SO BADLY that it hurts to live. What you deserve is not death. You should constantly feel backstabbers talk about how your face reeks like shit, how your fats put Barney to shame, and how your pair of eyes are the testicles of a hobo.
I don't need to justify myself. You two shame, taint, and distort the sacred meaning of "I love you." Hell! Does "I love you" even rhyme with "You should get into my pants because I'm so lonely in Malaysia, and no one understands me. You're the only one I can trust and throw my pathetic body at."
What is this about? I don't know, maybe it pissed the shit out of me that Beast cheated on Bell and had sex with Barney while Snow White was bitchy enough to throw her bloody apples back at the old grandmother.
I think this works so much better than "I told you so".
This, time would heal. Okay? :)

I'm hearing gluttony call.
I am sinful.
I am going to eat.

Cindy Lauper, I love you.

I am a loner

2009-06-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

~~I have no friends~~
~~I have no plans~~
~~My only friends are my iTouch & bed~~
~~I'm only interested in studies~~
~~I'm anti-social~~
~~No one talks to me~~
~~No one bothers about me~~
~~My phone never rings~~
~~I hide in the dark corner of my rooms~~
~~I do things on my own~~
~~I stare at others in envy of their popularity~~

These are the misconceptions of a loner. People think loners are those "emo", anti-social, desperado's who have no friends at all. "Misconception"? Hmm.. or is "description" more preferred? Are they wrong? I don't know, I'm not Webster.

"If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world & people continue to disappoint them."- Jodi Picoult
In this sense, is it wrong for me to be a loner? You wouldn't know.

My popularity is like the unpredictable strength of a breeze- inconsistent. Does it bother me? No. Maybe. Definitely not.

"You're driving too fast! Oh my Gawd! Did you see how fast you're going? 20mph! Look around you! You could've killed someone!" Again, I fail to realize the reality that a car moving at 20mph in a secluded area is deathly.
I learned not to drive my family's car.

"You're always in the room. Eat, in the room; watch tv, in the room; sleep, in the room. I'm going to charge you like a hotel! Never come spend time with us." I guess to some people it's better to step into the potential danger of getting scolded and swore at by talking to cranky, bad-mood parents than to hide in the safety of one's comfortable bed.

Why read? Why watch tv? Why sleep?
A momentary escape from reality.

I don't care. Carefree. Careless.
How pathetic. The attitude of a failure.

"Hmm.. How's my mojito gone so fast? What happened to my beer? Where's my WhiskyCoke?", she asks.
"There, Sean must've finished it for you la," he replies.
"Uh, you stupid sucker," she insults towards Sean.
"I want more; I don't have enough," whispers Sean.

A lion would not pounce on a deer if it wasn't so seductivly tempting.
A sheep wouldn't swear at a goat just cause it's not as fat as it.
A frog wouldn't expand it's throat if it thought it could sing.
A fish wouldn't swim if it had wings.
Why then would a man preach about something and not follow it?
Hypocricy. Disgusting.

"Do not murder" | "You piece of shit!"
"Do not steal" | "Thank you, Mary, for last night."
"Do not lie" | "I had sex."
pfft. bollocks.

Music is dope as life is a soap (opera).
Eminem. a hero
Lady Gaga. a satisfaction
Jonas Brothers. an embarrasment

Women are constantly being lied to, but the blame's only on men.
They fail to realize that they face the bravest liars everyday, and even carry it with them- with love.
Mirrors are the bravest liars; they lie to your face.

I hadn't intend to be a pessimist.
I'm optimistic too.

Condense milk is heaven.
Jodi Picoult & Mitch Albom writes the best books ever.
Gap & Giodarno are the best shops ever.
I love sceneries.
Beaches are heaven on earth.

These numbers could kill: 9.0.2.1.0
What happened to 666?

Church was fun. Sat with Huey Sing, MingKen, and other cell mates with angels all around us- fake angels.

Finally, Jerry the Green Cow is here.
See you.
We're going milking.

A Moment of Silence for Little Red Riding Hood

2009-06-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

Perception determines being.
"Your eyes are the windows to your soul." - Anonymous
Agree? Why? No matter how long you stare into someone's eyes, all you there is to see are those black pupils surrounded by a sea of white. Unless, of course, there's crack running through your veins and you begin to preach of seeing a damsel in distress or a cheerful giver in them.

I succumbed to sleep at 6pm to 8.36pm yesterday, only to be woken up by a furious father who came through the toilet (literally) to shove a question to my awkward face. Surprises me sometimes why people bother talking to you when they're fuming with anger. Sorry, I must've been swearing my head off at you, talking back at you, or accidentally popped your last nerve- only I was doing it while asleep. I'm still trying to figure why I bothered doing that instead of conquering the world. Dilemmas.

I'm a durian:

With my thorns I scare you; unless you fight it. (First impressions are the determinants)
Durians are either liked or not. (Don't try to like me if you can't and if you do, get addicted)
Durians keep their seeds within, near its core. (I have been only my opinions kept to myself- probably let out here)
Too much of me can give you a tummy ache. (Unintentionally, I could hurt you)
I am the edible, fleshy, yellow skin that surrounds the seed. (Once carressed, sucked, deliciously licked all over by the mouth, you will throw away. Player.)
Lastly, I am the king of fruits. (I am judgemental and critical)

Bananas. I like your shape. Slender, thin, & seductive.

Know you not that "emo" is not a word, technically? It's a slang developed by teengers used to define&describe a depressed, lonesome, black-wearing attitude of a person.
"You're so emo," said she. What she meant was: "Are you just gona sit there and sulk or are you gonna grow the balls to pull the trigger and end your misery? Space-waster."
See, "emo" is a three-letter word, much similiar to "sky". "Emo" is the short form for emotion, just like how "sky" is a short form for skype.
I hate "emo".
"'Emo' is a word used to describe attention-seekers who are generally deprived of parental love. They are the cancer of our society." - SeanRyan

Words can't explain how I feel about you. Why, of course they can't. Words have no mouth; they do not feel.
My heart aches for you. Murderer.

What drug-addicted parents would call their daughter Snow White, force her to fend for herself and live in a forest, and lets her play with dwarfs? For this reason, Snow White was the product of an unwanted pregnancy. Who's? Why, Little Red Riding Hood, of course. See, Little Red Riding Hood was happily on her way to her grandmother's home in the forest (I know, what kind of weird old lady live in the forest? Well, don't ask me. I'm not Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother.). Stalking her was none other than the Big Bad Wolf (also found in the English myth of the "Three Little Pigs", and one of the Lykens in "Underworld"). You all know that when Little Red Riding Hood reached her grandmother's house, the Big Bad Wolf was already there right? But wait. What happened in between? How did the Big Bad Wolf get to Grandmother's house before Little Red Riding Hood? The answer is simple. On the way, the Big Bad Wolf heard laughters and giggles not far from where he was at that time positioned. Wanting to know what was going on, he approached what turned out to be 7 dwarfs and asked them why they were so happy. Apparently, however, they were just having their balls tickled by the grass. (Haha! Cause they're dwarves, and grass are short, and-) Anyway, Big Bad Wolf then conspired with the 7 dwarves to gang rape Little Red Riding Hood, seeing that these dwarfs can't get laid. The dwarfs agreed, and while Little Red Riding Hood was being "thisistoopainfultoexplain", the Big Bad Wolf threw Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother out and took her place instead. Being traumatized, shocked, and in great pain, Little Red Riding Hood couldn't differentiate the Big Bad Wolf from her grandmother. Also, having her hair like wild fire and a torn hood, she didn't wanna let her grandmother worry about what had happened to her and so pretended like nothing was wrong. Well, when Little Red Riding Hood finally got to her senses, she chased the Big Bad Wolf away. Not being able to find her grandmother, she decided to stay in her grandmother's house to take care of it until her grandmother got home. Lo and behold, the grandmother hadn't return. Little Red Riding Hood grew old in that house, gave birth to Snow White there, and died. Before she died, however, she told Snow White to take care of this home until Grandmother returns. Can you believe Little Red Riding Hood still believed her Grandmother would return? I can't. But oh well.. When, one fine day, the Grandmother finally returned, she asked if she could enter her own home. (How come the Grandmother didn't die?! I wouldn't know. It's a fairytale.) "Of course not!" Snow White responded, "I'm waiting for my Grandmother to come back." Hah! Little Red Riding Hood forgot to tell Snow White how her grandmother look like. Anyway, being a pissy old hag, the grandmother went back to wherever she was for the past 29 years or so, and developed a poison apple to be given to Snow White. This, my friends, is the true story. Pardon? What happened to the dwarves? Well apparently, Doopy told me that all 7 of them just wanted to get into Snow White's pants. That was why they were always around. Snow White didn't let them however, because she found their constant giggling a turn-off. Big Bad Wolf told me he was gonna be acting in the "Three Little Pigs" and so he dropped outta this fairy tale. The end.

Fairytales don't come true.
Wished you had everything in life? Wealth. Health. Bealth?
Well, if you did, how else can you find happiness?

I'm hungry.
I stole my brother's cd's to watch.
Spaghetti!!

Realization 86: "Hahaha!"

2009-06-18T23:39:00.000-07:00

I used to laugh everything off- anything it was.

Who'd knew that laughing was the safest thing one could do when facing awkward moments & silences? I didn't. Not til last week. Why? It's beyond words. Try it.

Ryan recently told me that he laughed to hide his insecurity. Haha! Funny. What's there to be insecure about? Scary movies? Loneliness? That's pathetic. Scary movies are the funniest movies ever! Loneliness is underrated. Learn to embrace it and life is so much more relaxing.

When you're happy, you laugh.
When you're mad, you laugh.
When a friend insults you, you laugh.
When a friend thinks you're an asshole or a bastard verbally, you laugh.
When you're drunk, you laugh.
When someone makes the lamest joke, you laugh.
When you're alone and saw something funny, you laugh.
Out of all these reasons, only the first one is most validly justified. The others, well, they're generally embarrassing, redundant, and of insecurity. Don't you think so? Don't you think it's retarded to laugh at the fact that someone, "a friend", just called you stupid? (Playing or not). How does it look like? Hahaha! It's so funny to think that you'd laugh when someone calls you stupid. Though your laugh could generally be a "this guy don't know who he's messing with and is gon get beat up pretty badly later" or a "just laugh at it, he will accept your defeat."
(Genuinely sorry if any of the reasons apply to you- only some does for me.)

Isn't it stupid how people laugh at the stupidest things just so that the people around would accept him? It's like you're trading pride for acceptance. Such a shame.

"Wanna go to the concert?", he asked. "No, it's a childish thing la", was a respond. Think concerts are childish? Depends, eh? What about a Goo Goo Dolls concert? Childish? What about an Aerosmith concert? Childish? What about an Eminem concert? Childish? What about a Christian concert? Childish? I don't know. I'd definitely go for Eminem's though.

Devastating to see college people sell their lives to smokes & annoying swearings. Computer games? Don't really wanna throw that in cause my good colleg mate plays Guess once in a while is alright (:
Sorry, it's not devastating. I can't be bothered actually. "People decide their fate", was what learned in ENG4U, so if they choose to commit suicide via a pathetic rolled up paper filled with nicotine, feel free to do so. They think I don't understand, I'm like the rest. Pfft. I know a hell lota shit. Don't get me wrong though. I love my smokers! (; just the thought of other random strangers blowing puffs are deesgusting.

"People come in all shapes and sizes. Accept them."- That was what I was told.
Thank God I wasn't told to accept those that come with "retarded earphones around their neck", "exterme case of stu-stu-st-st-ohshitsoannoying-stustu-stutering problems who are rude to you", "narcisistic, arrogant people", "people who bother swearing at milo ice" (For the love of cocoa trees! What has milo ice done to you? killed your cat?), "hypocritical fat-so's (a.k.a Boomer) who talks about God and fucking chicks in the club with the same tongue", and the list goes on..
Where do you fit in? Hahaha! Kidding! (;
Even i don't know where I fit in. Probably the Milo Ice one. It wet ma pants for me before. (I wasn't even hard).

Didn't anyone tell Humpty Dumpty to be careful when he's gon sit on the wall? No? Guess that was why he fell. How else would he know to be careful? He's a bloody toy. They don't have in-built brains. Oh no? Egg you say? Forgive me. I forgot egg has brains.

Did Isaac Newton really discover gravity just because he sat under an apple tree? For all we know, he could probably be watching Bathsheba shower when the devil got hungry and decided to pluck an apple from that exact, same tree Newton was under. Result: An unknown force pulled the apple towards the ground. Being pissed, he blamed the Devil for distracting him and called him a swear word- Gravity.

Did Benjamin Franklin really discovered electricity via lightning? He was probably mocking the heavens with his man made device known as "the kite". Wanting to teach him a lesson, an angel must've aimed a lightning bolt at him but missed, and hit "the kite" instead. How did that result to the discovery? I don't know. Franklin never told me what happened next.

To live a new day, one trades 24 hours of his life, and
In this new day, anything can happen- a gamble between something unfortunate & fortunate.
Why gamble then?
"Isn't it worth it?"
Life is just to experience.

I hold the key that unlocks my own thoughts,
With this same key, I penned them into words.
What came after were the enemies I had long fought,
My enemies- perceptions, the endeavoring devils with twin swords.
I, with this key, penned the enemies, my perceptions.

Wasn't it a mouse that inspired Dumbo to fly? Yes. Contradiction. Elephants are afraid of mouse. That said, I'm sure I can inspire my friends to stop smoking too.
Futile. Dumbo's just a fairytale, and only in my fairytale did my smoker friends really stop.

I bet it was internal loneliness (written all over her face)

2009-06-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

So what drove Mary Poppins insane?
Please don't try to reason that she wasn't. Everyone knows that a character portrayed to be "magically" flying with an umbrella is probably trying/hoping to commit suicide by wishing she'd fall to her death from sky-high, or probably having major hallucinations from O.D.-ing on LSD, marijuana, or crystal meth.

Once sanity & discipline are gone, you'll have nothing left.

I can never hate you, even if I wanted to..

2009-06-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

because you pulled my blanket silently, but carefully, over me.
You care- portrayed as stealthily as how sleep takes one's consciences.

If I could make my silence understood..

2009-06-02T12:25:00.000-07:00

I can't say what's on my mind; there're just too many things.
Stay silent & observe; observe & keep thoughts to yourself.

We bury the body, but never the memories.

2009-05-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

A call woke me up this morning;
I've lost a friend.
Lim Yu Vern had left us.

When someone asks if you're alright, you reply "I'm fine".

2009-05-29T04:19:00.000-07:00

But instead, you're saying that you are:

F **ked up
I nsecure
N eurotic
E motional

If you know you're a waste in society, why don't you just pull the trigger?

2009-05-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

So I watched "Terminator Salvation" today with Danny, Jeff and Ming Ken, and I realized that the movie was really cool. I liked the effects, the great sound system, & story line (although slightly confusing). While watching it, however, a realization struck me and it came from this little, "bug-tooth" girl.

While watching the movie, I was constantly asking myself this:

"WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING IN THE MOVIE?!"

For anyone who has watched the show, going to watch the show, or knows her personally, I would gladly pay you for an essay on the purpose of this girl in the movie.

Realization:
Some people can be such a waste of space in society- like broad face. Right Evan? =D

Ps- I watched "Push" (Chris Evans is as hot as me. We are twins), "Horton Hears a Who" (Freakin' funny), and "Slumdog Millionaire" (touching)

I can sue him; he stole something that belongs to me, & you know what it is.

Subconcious Ranting

2009-05-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

What would my life be like if I was immature and following according to my age last time?

Would be too immature to have a 20 year old and 17 year old best friend.
Would probably be in & have those mindless, time-wasting, infatuation-based relationship.
Would probably be talking about computer games and going to CC like a lifeless shit.
wuD pr0bAblY Tok LikE Dis.
Wouldn't have entered college.
Would be swearing my head off at the littlest stuff.
Wouldn't have known anything bout or experienced what clubbing, shisha, cigarette,& alcohol.
Would probably be studying my brains off for SPM.
Would be constantly worrying about my self-esteem.
Would be having depress/emo messages written all over the evidence of my existence.
Would be seeking attention by embarrassing myself.
Would be complaining to every single one of my friends about how life is so unfair and how nobody "loves" me.
Would be an annoying shit.
Would not be thinking about my future.
Wouldn't care about what my grades are.
Would only think about going out and out and out.
Would probably still be with all my exgirlfriends.
Would have loads of friends my age.
Would socialize well with the younger ones.
Would probably not be so critical and judgmental of others.

I could probably go on, but Math Finals paper's tomorrow so I should probably get some rest.

Bothered? No. Just have always been wondering, and still am.

Would I not be different, than who I am now, have I waited to have my fair share of "experiences"?
Maybe. Maybe not.

But then again, I'm not Mr. Perfect (as I was once called).
Contradiction. I'm just a regular who likes observing people's behavior and relating that to their age.

This, sometimes, gets me annoyed because I can NEVER stand a person older than me acting so much more immature than me. Forbid me, but they should fix themselves or just dissolve into void.

I'm stressed.
I'm wondering why I'm so judgemental and critical.
Can't people just act according to their age?

If you're 19, why do u wave your hands like a bloody clown & jumping for joy, thinking it's so cool, just to introduce yourself? Do your realize you were embarrassing yourself?

If you're 19, why do you make your voice so fakely high-pitched and cartoons, insult people "thinking it's funny" (not me) and act like a child? Do you realize how stupid your impression is?

If you're 18, why are you so innocent? Don't you know people laugh at you?

Anyway, it's just my perception.

Chemistry

2009-04-18T03:09:00.000-07:00

Oooh baby, won't you kill me already, with your never-ending complexity?
You're torture's enough, when cometh your final blow?
You were intriguing at first; I still love you, but you play me for a fool.
(Still do, still a fool.)

Sometimes, i just wanna break up with you.
But I can't.
Cause I love you.

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along, though it's not your favourite song

2009-04-08T02:25:00.000-07:00

Currently feeling really tired and exhausted from college today- like I always am. Nothing new or great happened today, but I'm rather happy that I'm done with my test and quizzes for this week and I can finally concentrate on finishing my frustrating assignments. Shit loads of research to do that I'm gon start tonight. Thus the reason I'm always telling you I'm stress and tired on msn. Don't blame me. Like they say, "so many things to do, so little time" I'm actually jumping at heart at the moment. Haha! Can't believe I'm finally free and I can concentrate on research and other assignments tonight. I'm gonna be rather pissed off while doing them though, because their stressful.

Used my period 4 to do my Math group project with ~~my group mates~~ Choon Han and actually accomplished something. I finally submitted in my English short story assignment too. I'll probably post it up here ~~soon~~ when I feel like it. (=

College was actually rather boring today. Had an lab today, watching nice colors form outta different chemical solutions and got scolded for asking my teach if I could leave 20 minutes earlier. Haha! I swear I didn't know the time. Just wanted to get out English class was rather boring though, presentation's going on again. Had a quiz for math class that I got a feeling i either did really well in or really bad in. I'll know soon enough, no matter.

I got back 3pm something today, walked my dog, and finished organizing and finishing up some minor assignments. While browsing through the internet as I was finish up some assignments, I came across what could probably be THE MOST disgusting website. Please feel free to torture your eyeballs:

It's so disgusting, please try not to puke. DO NOT OPEN IF EATING OR DRINKING!
Keep a pillow ready to cover your eyes.

I don't understand how and why people can be so obsessively addicted to such a disgusting, immature and childish movie! Please do not try to answer that in your thoughts or anyway answerable. It's meant to be rhetorical

Zac Efron has a distorted mouth and a gay-looking face.
Venessa Hudgens looks like a cheap maid.
Ashley Tisdale has a face of a rat.

Need I say more about the others?
I basically think the ideas generated in this movie is so fictional that it's disgusting

Anyway, I'm sorry if you're a die-hard Hai Screw Musical fan.
It's gonna be 6pm soon.
Need to rest my eyeballs for tonight's researching.

I'll leave you with a beautiful ballad I heard this morning. If you like my taste in music, you'll love this song too.

"Best of Me" by Daniel Powter

My current addiction.

`til I decide to blog again. see ya's

"Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Or the combination of both that did me wrong?"

I don't know what it means, but I kept it in my notes since 126 days ago

2009-04-07T02:00:00.000-07:00

Love, the sacred art of forbidden limitations,
Passed from one to another with the greatest discretion
In the silence of an unspoken 3rd dimension link of the heartbeat
Proven by the single, possibly final,
Breath of 3 words-
"I love you".

Vivian's cup of tea

It pisses me off when I realize people can be beyond stupid

2009-04-07T01:22:00.000-07:00

Just finished showering and I'm thankful, once again, that I did not drown. An Ting would've asked me to bring my oxygen tank in and Sarah would tell me not to get wet, but I went against all odds and went in NAKED! (=

Yesterday I had my Chemistry test at 4.15pm. Have a feeling that I fucked it up, but I hope that I don't screw this one. Didn't know how to do one question so I just wrote: "I don't know )=". Something only a clown would do, but it made my lecturer laugh. Hoping I'm gon get a half mark for that It was a really simple yet difficult test, in a sense that, like all other tests, if the concepts were understood but not applied appropriately, you'd get an F. F for Fucked, Failed, & Futile When I got into the exam auditorium, I read a message from the self-centered, selfish brother I have that I have to find my own transport home since he thinks that if he's busy, everyone else in the world is sitting around staring into thin air with a pager on their hand waiting for a duty-call. I can never understand how he can be so selfish. It's such a disgrace to the family So I had to ask EnKane if he could drop us back.

On the way back i got a call from my dad saying that Lucy Liew was admitted to the hospital. Apparently my grandma has irregular heartbeats due to her weak heart. One of the first thing I heard when I reached the hospital was that she was fed the wrong medication. Such a douchebag Grandma's doing fine now although she seemed bloated.

Went back at 10pm and started work only at 11pm. Had to stay up reading some Chemistry stuff. Slept at 1am something and I'm still surprised I'm not as tired as I thought I would be.

Today's one of the most relaxing day I've had in a longgg time. Chemistry class was rather easy to understand due the the late night oil I burned trying to understand some principle stuff. Needa refresh my mind again later though. Chemistry forever!

English was boring as usual; had presentations today where half the class was just stoning. The presenting group, apparently, were trying to justify their use of certain terms which I found, no offense, rather redundant and pointless because, honestly, no one in class gave a shit about. If they wanted the marks really badly they could've explained it to the lecturer after their presentation but I guess they probably had nothing better to do then to put us all through a period of boredom. Broad-face thought he was really funny making some jokes that only his friend, face-cancer, was laughing at Pfft. Thank men for the iTouch.

Math class was frigging boring and slightly frustrating because I still don't get the concept of probability and those nonsense. Frigging many formulas to follow man. I'd be surprised if I did well for the quiz tmr. MDM Group project's due next week too. They asked me if there was anything for them to do and whether we should discuss, and I told one of them what he would do and ignored the other. What I really said in me was,"I can't believe you even bother asking me what there is to do. You have no initiative and you don't bother doing the work properly. You compliment yourself on how good and "cool" you are, which I think is rather disgusting, and you can't even do a proper paragraph. You give me the impression that you are beyond stupid that you'd get an F without me. F, not only for a fail, but on your level of mentality- Fucked!" Yes, I was pissed they even bother talking about it to my face.

Well, hair's dry now. Gon be staying home today to study for the quiz tomorrow.

Btw, I look hot.

` til I decide to imprint my thoughts again.

Who knew the person you would kill could say something so wise & flawless?

2009-04-05T00:21:00.000-07:00

This came from a major drunken ass hole.

"Sometimes, it doesn't matter if you fail or lose in somethings in life because the beauty of it all, is in the attempt."

Try everything you can in life. Don't let a chance pass you by.

Sunday streaming its faint ray of happiness

2009-04-04T23:50:00.001-07:00

I got to sleep in today, on a Sunday. Something you don't always do as a Christian Didn't go to church today cause I wanted to stay home and study for the Chem test tomorrow. Wonder how it'd be like in Chem class tomorrow cause of the teach's Friday bitch-fit. Maybe I should take a calculator and punch in every single number she mentions. We'll see Have plans, but not gonna carry them out; I'm too lazy to step out of my house today. Wasn't feeling well for the past 4 days. Maybe the late nights are catching up to me already. Damnit.

On a lighter note, I'm feeling a tad bit happy today. I get to relax at home to my appreciable music along with the comfort of my room and the sight of my sleeping younger brother, Champ. The sooner you realize there's no place like home, the happier you will be not having plans and not being invited out I've failed to see that until just recently when I fell prey to headache and cold. Going out with your friends is cool and shit, but it gets weary, tiring, and taxing. I need to save money to call Singapore and start going shopping for myself. Hopefully with the help of one of you stalkers (=

I'm happy I started studying and doing my assignments again, but I got a feeling I'm not absorbing much of what I'm reading. Whole morning til now I've been stressing on two chapters trying to understand. Why am I so slow? Evan, I need a cigarette. Haha! Just kidding. You shouldn't smoke man (=

Taking a break from studying now. Gonna start back after this.

Well, the following are some pictures from yesterday's agonizing, time-wasted futsal match. The only good thing about yesterday was that I got to see my old friends again: Adi, Anita, Mark, Lia, and the rest. Lia & Anita, thanks for the candid shots. You know you love. haha! (=

I can't believe I did that. I can't believe Lia caught that. I can't believe Huey Yieng's signature move is subconciously imprinted into me. Nonetheless, how often do you see a really good-looking guy striking that pose? Haha! Alvin, please, I said "good-looking". Don't consider. Haha LOL!

Anyway, it's time for me to talk to my Chemistry notes again.

`til then, fellow stalkers.

It's not fair to me

2009-04-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

The general:
"I miss out, but I move on."

denial, you are my comfort

You wouldn't know, would you?

2009-04-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

I really hate being emo. Even the term pisses me off

Been really tired lately cause of how hard I've been working my ass off to meet due dates and trying to understand simple concepts which, unfortunately, I lack the ability to (especially for chemistry). Everything on the outside seems to be the same usual stuff, but it's all different on the inside. Don't ask me why; if I knew, there would be a reason here Things change, so they say.

Kathy, remember how we always hated it when Sing and the others always used the word emo? At one point you almost grabbed the chainsaw and I was looking for the hammer. We still loveth thou, Sing. That was ages ago.(:

Same thing's happening now and I don't like to hear that word. I know how you feeling back there in S'pore. Don't worry. I'm going through it too. Haha! Ironic?

Anyway, college's been pretty messed up lately. Chemistry teacher getting all bitched-up that put the class in shock and dismay. She told me I ain't getting an A when all I did was sit and listen. Maybe that was my mistake. Who's to blame? English teacher's being boring as usual. He seems to find his own jokes rather amusing when all I see are weird movement of the hands, as if conducting and orchestral performance, and hear mumbles. Math class is fairly alright. Teacher isn't that strict and we are more relaxed, but I can't seem to comprehend the Probability topic thing. As well, my group members for the math project are dumb asses (except for Choon Han who's the only one helping me out)

This wkend's been really tiring. Had futsal this morning from 9am s'thing til 1pm s'thing. It was a waste of money and time. Two teammates of mine were beyond stupid that they don't even deserve the title "dumb-fucks". Why? I would be in agony to recall back this morning's event. Sorry. But they did act really action (lan si, sombong, etc.) when they can't even play for shit. They don't run and they shoot worse than my grandmother. Fatty dropped me home later and I just did a bit of assignment and slept.

The sleep was amazing. I dreamt.

Woke up and drove to ma grandma's place to meet up with everyone. It was raining really heavily so I had to drive really slowlyyy. Can't afford to bang a car. Family was with me and I'm in no hurry to die.

Oh, and I really hate people who act really nice to you at first, and later on they act as if they hardly know you. Maybe it's just me, but it ticks me off

Time to sms and finish an assignment.

'til then, my fellow stalkers.

Just One Time is All it Takes

2009-03-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

Just one time is all it takes.

Just one tear is all we took.

Just one time is all it takes.
Just one phrase is all I took.

Just one time is all it takes.

Just one kiss is all we took.

Just one time is all it takes.
Just one look is all it is.

Those Three Words

2009-03-26T05:53:00.000-07:00

I want you

I love you

I need you

What the hell?

What the fuck?

Laugh Out Loud

Oh my Gawd

I hate you.

Please fuck off

I Want to Sleep, But I Want to Think Too

2009-03-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

I hate it when time passes me by unnoticed.
I want to sleep, but I want to think too.

Moments, where have you gone?
I want to rewind&rewrite, but I can't.
Past

I hate it that my close friends are far away from me, distance wise.
I want to sleep, but I want to think too.

Loneliness, why have you come?
I want to rebuilt&strengthen, but it's difficult.
Relationships

I hate it that I've lost my mood for many things.
I want to sleep, but I want to think too.

Motivation, why have you forsaken me?
I want to be up&ready, but I'm not.
Inspiration

I hate it that my future is uncertain.
I want to sleep, but I want to think too.

Decisions, will you make up and stay?
I want to be certain&sure, but I'm too fickle.
Determination

I hate it that I feel like an outcast sometimes.
I want to sleep, but I want to think too.

Conversations, won't you play on my tongue and sing?
I want to be known&distinguishable, but I already am- I think.
Sociality

I hate it that there aren't many out there who think and act like me.
I want to sleep, but I want to think too.

Maturity, why have you, my inner conflict, decide to rape me so young?
I want to be/remain immature&naive, but too late for that.
Perception

I hate it that there is the existence of 2-face people.
I want to sleep, but I want to think too.

Hypocrisy, would you not piss off?
I want to say I'm a hypocrite&2-face, but I'll only be telling the truth.
Behavior

I hate it when I see anti-social people sitting alone not bothering to make friends, or being rejected.
I want to sleep, but I want to think too.

Rejection, would you not take pity on the ugly & weird?
I want to obliterate it's meaning, but I can't be making friends 24/7
Conformity

I hate it that I hate so many natural things in life.
I want to sleep, but I want to think too.

Happiness, would you not reside in me longer?
I want to be happy&ever-joyful, and I want to say I am- always.
Denial

I Regretted

2009-03-12T02:17:00.000-07:00

I hate homeschooling. <-- period

Can We Go Back?

2009-03-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

I want to go back to `03
If I could, I'd end it in `08

What's the point? You're all gone anyway.
All you guys left me are memories.

Of course I'd open up to others,
but what's the point if it makes us farther and farther?
I don't like the ways most of this new ones act,
and I will only end up in neglect.

I have to anyway;
none of you are around to hold me up.

I miss everything about those times.

I shouldn't anyway, I'm most likely never gonna get them back.

I see people having those moments now and I can't help but feel like shit.

I'm selfish. Other people deserve their moments too.

Other people are 18;
they are in college and they have their gang.

I'm 16;
I'm already in college and my gang..

you guys..

you're not here no more.

Haha! Does it matter? Life goes on.

"My world is different than the others, only you guys would understand it."

"Into Your Arms" by the Maine

2009-03-06T00:41:00.000-08:00

There was a new girl in town
She had it all figured out (had it all figured out)
Well I'll state something rash
She had the most amazing... smile.

I bet you didn't expect that
She made me change my ways (she made me change my ways)
With eyes like a sunset, baby
And legs that went on for days

I'm falling in love
But it's falling apart
I need to find my way back to the start
When we were in love
Things were better than they are
Let me back into...
Into your arms.
Into your arms.

She made her way to the bar
I tried to talk to her
But she seemed so far (she seemed so far)
Out of my league
I had to find a way to get her next to me

I'm falling in love
But it's falling apart
I need to find my way back to the start
When we were in love
Things were better than they are
Let me back into...
Into your arms.
Into your arms.

Oh she's slipping away
I always reach when I'm thinking of words to say
Oh the things she does
Make it seem like love
Just a game (just a game)
And I like the way we play

I'm falling in love
But it's falling apart.
I need to find my way back to the start (x2)

When we were in love
Things were better than they are
Let me back into...
Into your arms
Into your arms.

Into your arms.
Into your arms

Why Did I Go There?

2009-02-25T08:26:00.000-08:00

To know that I'm alive;
To know I have a heart.
To know that she's alive;
Even if we're worlds apart.

To see how things were going,
Although I know the pace.
I have to slowly work on walking,
while she has already won the race.

To see what was left behind,
nothing; she still follows her hypocrisies.
All i can say to her in mind (is),
"You made me a fool, but thanks for the memories."

To find something better to do other than sleep,
For at night I'm nothing but awake.
I have tried counting those sheep,
but they transformed into snowflakes.

Why Are Things Not What They Seem To Be?

2009-02-23T01:08:00.000-08:00

Jerry is a rat
Jerry is a ~~mouse~~
Jerry is a ~~hamster~~
Jerry is a ~~squirrel~~

Pinocchio is a puppet
Pinocchio is a ~~boy~~
Pinocchio is a ~~real thing~~
Pinocchio is a ~~sex toy~~

& the list goes on. You get my point.

I Received A Message From My Thoughts Today. It Said:

2009-02-21T23:20:00.000-08:00

"I Look Up To The Sun, But It Only Hurts My Eyes..

2009-02-21T22:36:00.000-08:00

..there wasn't the answer that I wanted to find."

Maturity, to me, is a bitch biting me hard in the ass.
Damn you, it hurts.

" You can't think that way. You are really really mature for your age. Not everyone is as mature as you. I know I wasn't that mature when I was your age. Give it some time and you'll feel better." - says Best Friend

Funny thing about it is that:

They say I don't have it.

They say I have it.
They say I don't look it.
They say I look it.

They say it broadens your perception & allows you to judge wisely;
Why then does it make me feel shitty? Why doesn't it set me free from being critical to everything?
They say it comes with age;
Why then do I have more of it than others my age? or maybe I don't? whatever
Why do some older than me don't even have it?

If I look up to the Son, will it hurt me too? If they say my answers are there, why am I scared to look then?

Why?

2009-02-21T09:56:00.000-08:00

.. can't I feel drastically for anything?

.. is there numbness?

.. am I tired?

.. can't I sleep?

.. can't it stop?

.. do I act?

.. doesn't it work for me?

.. do I not feel it?

.. do I act?

.. can't I show them?

.. do I keep thinking?

.. is there no rain?

"Now what?"

You'll Never Know What You've Got Until It's Gone

2009-02-21T07:25:00.000-08:00

It rained today.
"At the right place & at the right time- at one of the right moments of my life."

I've always loved you, rain.
Your drops serenades me; I'm forever hypnotized by you.
I sleep peacefully when you're around.
You put me at ease whenever I'm worrisome or stressed.
I've always wished you'd stay longer; I long for you.
Yet,
You come and go only as you please.

It Was Wrong

2009-02-19T03:52:00.001-08:00

I lied, I'm sorry.
It wasn't it, it was that.
It felt like that.

♪C-C-C-College Phase C-C-College Phase!!♫

2009-02-19T02:12:00.000-08:00

Dear fellow stalkers, lovers, and friends,

I am deeply sorry for the 1 month long hiatus. Just kidding. LOL! I couldn't be bothered to update much cause I am lazy and as usual, tired. Truly, you have missed out on Sean's first month of 2009. Can't be helped I guess. If you want to update yourself with my life, kindly contact me when I'm not nerding on Chemistry. However, there is no doubt that my life is still as entertaining as a roller coaster ride (;

Everything that has happened since the beginning of 2009 has been rather rocky on one side and fun on the other. As usual, and being immature, I made many careless decisions and have done foolish things. Things I regret and things I anticipate for more. Things that when you find out later you would judge me, but I won't give a shits. Lemme turn back the clock and re-decide my decision? I would, but oh well. Life goes on.

The best thing about 2009 is being college year for me. Wtf?! What're you doing in college so young?! yeahh mann! Envy me. Get that jealousy in you! Haha! I'm doing CIMP and taking Chemistry, English4U and MDM4U this semester. Since about half the world is wondering about it, I'll give you the highlight of my academic life:

- Went to SKTM for primary school when I was 7-9
- Went to homeschooling at a center in OUG and ss4 when I was 9-15 (in this homeschooling thing I finished year 10 when I was 15) Yes, wonder no more. I am a nerd.
- Went to Sunway International School at 16.
- Now, turning 17 end of this year, I'm in college.

I finished year 10 in homeschooling because I rushed through my work. I rushed through because 90% of all my close friends in the homeschooling center thing were graduating and I didn't wanna get left behind. It was normal for them to graduate since all my close friends then were 2-4 years older than me which was the proper age to graduate at. Yes, and I'll reconfirm your thoughts. People I mix with are that much older than me ever since I was 12. Wonder no more and don't act surprise that I mix with older people so well. However, it wasn't normal for me to graduate yet because I was still too young. I didn't care about it then though. I'm a nerd anyway (=

College has been really fun and entertaining. I feel good that there're people I know and can talk to everywhere I turn. Like a celebrity right, Sydney? Mun Yee? Haha! Alrite larr, I'll give you my autograph tomorrow k? LOL! JkJk! LMAO! The only thing stressing me out in college is Chemistry, but that's the only thing tying me down- for now I guess. I'm doing well so far and I plan to keep it this way.

Made new friends in college too. In all sortsa courses. Haha! Here're some of them at the events we went to together:

L-R: Carmen, Faiz, Paul, and Shahran

Behind me's Kim

Tass is the other guy.
Wu Jeat, my Rubics Cube sifu!
Stoner buddy, Evan
Leon
L-R: Thiam Poh and (forgot)
L-R: Lianne, Carmen, and Tanya (the hot stuffs of FIA) (;

Meh.. these are just the few photos I have with some of the friends I made. When I get more I'll post more or something. haha!

Besides college, I've also stopped soccer coaching and Dawn came back to visit. I only got to saw her once while she's here but it was still great meeting up with her again after 2 years! Should've taken a picture with her though. Cruddd.. )=

As for the other part of my life.. Well, Amanda and I are just friends now.

Studies comes first (=

"Ain't no thing but a chicken wing!"

TO BE CONTINUED..

Starts New Years 2009!

2009-01-07T04:52:00.001-08:00

Guys of that night

Ming looks drunk. Hah! Tomatoe face

I thought it was coool

Constipation!!

Bro's over our diamonds ;)

We tried to smile-and-frown at the same time! LOL Jon gave up cause. haha!

Drinks we stole then! LOL!

Picture of my year =)

Goodbye December 2008; Hello 2009

2009-01-04T03:08:00.000-08:00

December 2008 was the best month I've had for the whole year of 2008 simply because my 2 best friends came back to celebrate my birthday with me, I found a girl to love, been going out so much until I got scolded, and I have great, close friends to share this month with. Alotta stuffs been going on last month that it would probably take me one whole day to blog about it. Unfortuantely for all you loyal blog-stalkers, I don't have all day cause it's already 7:30pm so I'll just make it short. =)

Again, as you can see from my previous posts, I've been having a great time and I know many of you, if not all, would KILL to be me. haha! I know. Perasan statement; get used to it. However, I got friends complaining bout how boring and useless their Dec holidays is and how they're not spending it to the max and I feel sorta.. sorry? or sympathetic? I mean I'm not judging in anyway and I understand that there are "reasons/factors" that disallow you to enjoy your holiday to the max but it can't be for the whole month right? It's like you're not even trying to make the best of it. I don't know bout any of you, but the end of the year is the best and my favourite time of the year because of my best friends coming back and the time of our lives we would have with our other friends.

Anyway, my December has been really unhealthy and I feel rather nerdy because for the whole month I've not been exercising much and I've been going to the cyber cafe ALOT, as well as eating ramly burger late nights and sleeping at 3am-5am every single day. Haha! "am" doesn't stand for night anymore right? so you've guessed it. Instead of getting the most rest I can before college starts, I've turned nocturnal. Not good, not good at all. I've learned how to play a new LAN game in the cyber cafe called Left 4 Dead thanks to Jon Ong and Call of Duty thanks to Lewis. Who would've thought cool, athletic Sean would turn into such a nerd eh? Haha! I guess every jock has another side to them eh? Ming's been staying over at my place most of the nights this month cause he doesn't got a car to drive around and he says he's bored at his aunt's house. HOWEVER, I bet he just misses me too much. hahahah lol! We've been really luck tho cause we gots driver's! wait. I mean great friends that would fetch us out and stuff. =) Besides all that, we were suppose to have gone on a road trip as well but due to many factors, we had to call it off. We did go to Sunway Lagoon though. Not really an outing but a great place to be with your girls =) haha! Despite having so much fun and all that, the most severe drawback was the fact that I didn't get to spend much time with my family at all during this month. Before this month even started I thought that having a billion plans and going out as much and having a blast with all my friends was all there is and everything a great December would be, but now as I look at it I realized that I don't have much to remember from this December about my family besides my brother consistantly bringing his girlfriend over and he having a great time with her. All my outings and all my hang outs have only been with my friends and I know it may sound cool and all, but I guess I should balance my time out with my family as well... Mmm.. I feel like I'm growing apart from them now. daymnn..

Oh well, guilty feeling aside, time to continue on..
Eveyone knows that the two best events to celebrate in this awesome month of December are Christmas and New Years right?? As for me, there's one more. My birthday.

Birthday (16/12/08)
I know I've said it so many times before but I just can't help it. I've had the Awesomest birthday ever because my two best friends and my princess were here to celebrate it with me! This truly makes me happy considering the fact that they came back from Singapore and Australia. Thanks Ming&Kathy. You guys the bombing shiznitss evveerr. I'd be lost and have died without you two. Amanda, thanks for being there to celebrate my birthday with me. Hope to see ya'll soons.. As for you others who were there to celebrate my birthday with me as well, thanks for being there and making it happen. Hope ya'll had experienced the same feelings I did. (I already posted about my birthday in the previous post so go read if you wanna know waht happened)

Christmas (25/12/08)
Christmas to me and my family&relatives have always meant being together. We always celebrate Christmas by having family fatherings on the 24th and then countdown together for Christmas. This year's Christmas was at Summer&Zane's new kick-ass crib and we all had fun. Food was awesome and Snowball's family and Cerys were invited to join us. We took alotta pictures too. I'd post them here but unfortunately I don't gots em. Still with Zanes.. Went there first with Justin&Cerys around 6pm-ish to hear our Yee Cai complaining bout why we came so late and didn't help out. Haha! We just ignored and moved on in life =) Eventually she will let it go. haha! We lepak for awhile and tried to make Cerys feel comfortable and then we had the best dinner ever! My aunty's turkey was awesome as always and Aunty Connie brought BBQ chicken wings that were made in heaven! =) At night, around 8pm Justin was coming up with the plot for our yearly "Cousin presentation" where we have to act some silly skit infront of all the adults. It was embarrassing as always but at least it made everyone laugh. haha! Even Cerys was sporting and joined us! After the skit thing we had our count down and me and Zane gave out Christmas presents again =D That was about all for our Christmas night i guess =)

New Years (1/1/09)
This countdown and welcoming of 2009 has to be the current highlight for my year man. I got to spend my countdown with Amanda, Ming, Adam, and Isaac. They are the few of my closest friends ever, and I got to spend it with them!!
For the night of December 31st, 2008 I had 5 plans set out for me to celebrate my New Years and have the count down that I really had trouble choosing at first.

1. Go to church and have the count down there with family and church friends.
2. Go to KL with Melissa to watch fireworks at a hotel and then to a club then stay at a hotel.
3. Go to Zane's house and count down with relatives.
4. Go to Curve with Lewis and a different gang til 5am
5. Go to a club at Hartamas with Adam and that gang and see Amanda too.

Obviously, there isn't anything or anywhere I'd rather go or be then to be with Amanda and my other close friends for the countdown right? Yeah, you're right. I chose the last plan. =)

I didn't wanna go to church and count down there because I did that last year and it was sorta.. well, let's just say I'd go if my other plans don't work out. haha It's not that it's bad and all. Just sorta..boring? I guess. But i like church!! Don't judge me!!

I didn't go to KL club with Mel cause it's in KL!! and we had to take a train at like 9ish cause Mel would be busy and it's so dangerous and I don't know the people she hang out wit.

Didn't go to Zane's place cause family wasn't going. LOL

Didn't wanna go curve either cause there'll be jam pack and I just wanna be with Amanda and my other close friends that time. =)

So on 31st Dec I stayed home til 5pm and then went out with Lewis to the cyber cafe where I played Left4Dead for awhile. What a way to spend the last day of the year right? LOL but you gotta understand that I've been coming home late everyday and I needed to ground myself for most of the day time in order to go out at the night time. So I did that and then I couldn't take it that's why I went out at 5pm. LOL! After Cyber Cafe I went to Jon's place with Isaac and then we ate dinner, showered and waited for Adam to pick us up to Hartamas. To cut the long story short, after arriving at Solaris area, I got Adam to pick up Amanda, Shawnie, and Riana to come join us at the club which Marcus's dad owns. Thanks Adam for the ride, and thanks Marcus for getting us in. It's called RAW. It's a small, techno club but a really cool hang out place.
So I got to be with Amanda for almost the whole night at RAW until the countdown =D. It was great! We all had a good time! Isaac, Adam, Jon, Marcus, Riana, Shawnie, Amanda and I (Ming joined us later). Danced, drinked, count down together. Shortly after count down Amanda's parents and Riana's parents called and they got scolded cause they were actually grounded and I got them out. I felt bad esp for Ri cause Amanda brought her too.. Sorry girls. Lucky Shawnie was alright.. After dropping them back we met up with Ming and then went to the club again this time just us guys. We had a good time too! Splahed water in the club at each other Or was it cranberry juice and liquor? LOL! danced, just chilled.
At one point I sorta.. had too much to drink?? haha! I don't remember exactly how much I had but I know I was just chugging down whatever drinks was around me cause once I'm high I sorta can't control drinking?? haha! I can just needa alotta effort. Anyways I had:

1 tequila shot
1 sambucca shot (my fav)
2 glasses pure whisky
1/2 glass of some liquor called Sky

and many more mixed drinks. LOL!

Call me weak or whatever, at least I still remembered what went on that night and I was the happiest man!
Ming, Isaac and the others had a great time:

teasing me and taking care of me,
bullying me and pulling me up,
watching me fall and letting me lean on their shoulders,
laughing at me and yet staying by my side.

Ming- "Hey Marcus, look! Sean, walk in a straight line!"
Bloody ass! already know I'm drunk and ask people to laugh at me too.. LOL! Thanks for the 100+ though. Haha!

After all the fun we had Adam dropped me home at 4am ish to grab my stuff. I was so scared parents will see me the way I am cause Champ was barking like hell upstairs and if they came and saw me, my dad would've did a tai chi kick at my face. LOL! After packing, I left to Adam's to stay over.
The next day we just hung out at Pyramid with Carissa and got scolding when I got home. haha!
That's about it I guess..

ps- If you read this please don't tell anyone about this.
pps- pics will be coming soon.hopefully.
ppps- I had 3 kisses ;) *I love you*

TO BE CONTINUED..

Christmas&Birthday Gifts from 3 Great Church Friends

2008-12-27T01:54:00.000-08:00

I ain't gon blog alot like how i always do for this post because I gotta go to my beloved grandma's soon and I'm sorta lazy today. So this post is just gon be about the presents I received from 3 great friends from church on Christmas Day (Thursday).

First up is Mel's gift. She made this really awesome card for my birthday which looks really great! I can never gather enough creativity in me to come up with something like that and I'm sure it took alotta time and effort to do it. Thanks a lot Mel! =D I love it and I'm gon frame it up real soon! She also got me nerd ropes from Australia too! Haha!

This is the front of the folded card.

This is the back

Second present's from Lewis. By the look on this face, I could tell he decided to do something really interesting and funny to my present. First he gave me a wrapped up present and when I opened it this was what I got:

Funny eh!? =P

Hahahahahaha!! I couldn't stop laughing for minutes man! It was such a damn good and I think I wanna try it on someone the next time I give presesnts. hehehe. but this was his real Christmas gift for me =) It's a real awesome picture of 3 close friends man, although I look retarded. Haha! Oh well, at least Lewis FINALLY found a picture he looks better than me in =D

Last one's from Melissa. She gave this present to me today but it's still really cute. Here's the cup! and she said I was the baby. LOL! wth? LMAO!!! hahahahah!! But then she let me drive to centerpoint just now and met up with her cousins and let me drive to fetch them home at BU and back to my place too. Thanks for that, Backside! Hope You didn't get scolding. hehe. She also gave me a note she printed out and few other mini notes in the cup with sweets and chocolates in them. Here's the pressie and what the mini notes says:

"Best friends just won't leave your side." - Blink 182

"A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

"Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache: do be my enemy for friendship's sake." - William Blake

"Every now and then we find a special friend, who never lets us down, who understands it all, reaches out each time you fall, you're the best friend that I've found." - "Remember Me This Way" (My favourite of the lot)

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa

"In good times, in bad times I'll be on your side forever more, that's what friends are for." - Backside!

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
This sayings are really awesome and true and it means a lot Backside =)

That's all for presents I guess, but there's one more thing to blog about =D
Last Thursday I went to Pyramid with Ming, Carissa, Vivian, and Amanda and I challenged Ming and Carissa to see if they could tie a cherry stick into a knot only using their mouth. Ming and Carissa couldn't do it but I could. Here's proof =) If you don't believe me you can ask Amanda too:

This proves that I'm a good kisser ;)

TO BE CONTINUED..

Happy 17th Birthday, MunYee

2008-12-27T01:29:00.000-08:00

Hey Munz! Thanks for sticking around with me through SIS this year.
You've been a great personal assistant, but more importantly, a friend.
Your advices and nagging are truly appreciated for at times they make me think rationally although I don't really like the reality of it. haha!
Hope I've been a great help to you too??
There isn't any reason for you NOT to enjoy your birthday this year. I'm sure your church friends who booked you today are doing a great job in entertaining you. Hope you have a great time with them =)
You've helped me out a lot and I'm sure CIMP next year with you will be a great year as well.
All the best to us next year and may our friendship never die out =)

Take care always, partner (;

Princess A

2008-12-23T10:26:00.000-08:00

"With or without makeup, you still look Gorgeous."

The Ending of Today is the Beginning of My Rest

2008-12-21T07:20:00.000-08:00

"I am what you see; I'm not what they say.

But if i turned out to be, could you love me anyway?"

Overall week's been really tiring man! Promised myself I'm not gonna make any outing plans after this week cause the whole year round I've been going out so much and making so much plans. I deserve to rest for one week! Have I stated this before? I know I told Ming though, cause it's his turn to plan this week! LOL! I also did shopping!! I never thought I would actually shop and I never knew I could. HAHA! Although I went with friends, it's still a great achievement for me. I bought Christmas presents for some of my friends and parents. I spent quite alot and I'm sorta nervous to look at the receipt so I'm gonna look at it after Christmas. That way I won't feel so bad. =) Anyway, I'll start from Wednesday since I ended my last post on bout Tuesday.

Wednesday (17/12/08):
Kathy, Adam, Ming, and a friend stayed over my place Tuesday night after the game and we woke up at 2pm today! Actually, Champ woke me and my friend up first because he was barking like hell at some stranger in the house. After going down to tell my mom bout him and shutting him up, we went back to sleep and woke up at 2pm. I had to wake fatty up cause she was such a lazy bum! I sounded like a male-mother man! LOL! Oh and I definitely gotta tell bout what was going on the whole night before:

1. Kathy was sneezing her ass off
2. My friend was breathing loudly
3. Adam was snoring softly
4. I was staring at the ceiling with red eyes trying to go to sleep!!

Ming was sleeping in the other room with Justin so he missed all these wonderful factors that kept me up til 6ish-7ish in the morning =) Ming, you're a lucky ass!! Hahahah!! But I didn't mind it at all one bit cause I missed Kathy so much, been a while since Adam stayed over, and my friend's hot =). haha!
Anyway, after everyone got ready after 2pm, my dad dropped all 5 of us off at 1u where we had lunch and met up with Lewis, Bra, Terrence and their gang. We walked around for awhile and took pics too! LOL. Check em outs!

I sorta forgot what happened after I got home but I do know that I cleaned my room!! Haha! The past few days my room has been slept in by so many people and now i feel lonely in it =( But oh well, Ming's better come back and I must try'ta get Kathy's ass back into my house!! =D

Thrusday (18/12/08):
I woke up at 10.30am cause Bern and Amelia were on the way to pick me up to go to Ben's house to rehearse for the Christmas party event tomorrow. It was sort of a waste of time because everyone came late and when everyone finally arrived and finished discussing it was 12:30pm and I gotta leave at 1pm because I had piano class. So the only thing I saw them accomplish was the decoration of the house. Oh yeah, the church gave us some decoration to decorate the house and it was so damn PATHETIC! Sorry to offend any church member but don't you think if you were to supply decorations at least supply a little bit more than ONE useless string of white and red raffles?? Balloons were alright because they are useless anyway, but only ONE pathetic color string? Might as well not supply anything right? But whateva, I got over it. haha! As Xi Quan says, "move on, Sean" =). Piano was alright. 2hours of theory. Dead tiring! I was fighting sleep as I was listening to what was being thought. I swear if my teacher left I'd sleep. haha! Couldn't even open my eyes. After piano Zane came over and Bra fetched us back to his palce where we hung out for awhile before going to dinner. Guess what I saw around that area?!

Haha! And Terrence or Lewis said, "It died after drinking Teh Tarik!" LOL!! After dinner we went to the cc and played Left4Dead! Frigging awesome game ever! LOL. Dad called and probably thought I was ut clubbing again cause it was so noisy round me. Haha!! Anyway, got home at 1:30am+ after my ramly burger =)

Friday (19/12/08):
Dad woke me and Zane up like 9s'thing ish! Friggin early in the morning man =(. But it was for a good cause. We went to Sunway College to check out CIMP. My future now is friggin uncertain, but I hope for the best. Met up with Mun Yee and her family there. Also saw Jeremy and Sarah Yeoh from cell. Most probably I'm going to CIMP now and I don'ts gotta do AOP grade10. WOO FRIGGING HOO!!!! If I had to do it i'd kill!!! Get all depress and slit my wrist! After college work went to Pyramid with Zane to eat lunch at the CHicken Rice Shop. HAHA! Then met up with Ming, Jermz, and Joce for Chrismas shopping. Bought a few stuffs with all of them and went back by cab and reached my place around 5ish-6. I was sleeping in the cab man. So damn tired. And I know Jermz was looking at me doze. hahaha!! I probably look like some hilarious junky. LOL! Reached back and settled down for awhile then Jeff picked us up, bought drinks, and headed for our cell party!!
There were frigging alotta people man! Pack as hell!! 40 over guests!! Damn many man! We did alotta stuff and I can't remember what but i know we did alot. esp play games and stuff. Invited Amanda, Riana, and Bryan too. They reached earlier than us. HAHA. Jeff's fault. Anyway, we were the last to leave. =) was karaoke-ing after everything. Bern fetched me and my friends back after. Thanks a million, Bernsie!

Saturday (20/12/08):
Woke up at.... 10ish! Mom called and woke me up =(. Ming stayed over too. We had McD's for lunch then we went to Joce's palce to hang out. I got to replying walls in FaceBook!! =D I'm so happy and it's a great achievement because I have this thing that I gotta reply everyone that says something to me cause it's a manner of politeness that I just have. It's in me and I jsut gotta. Call me stupid, but I tihnk it's polite jsut to reply =). It took me more than an hour but I finally replied everyone =) hehe. We also swam that evening (Joce, Jermz, Carrot, Ming, Adelene, Shawn, and I). It was fun. I had a bloody eye infection shit tho =(. Joce, Jermz, Carrot, and I were palying volleyball in the pool! So fun. Carrot and I won. Hahaha!!
Parents picked me up at 6ish when Joce and Jermz gotta cook rice. Haha! Went to Grandma's with family and Cerys and had a great time with my favorite aunt, Yee Cai! Coolest Aunt ever. hahaha! I'm so gonna try to get as much experience as she has in her teenage years man. It's my challenge!! Hope Cerys enjoyed her entertainment =) That's it for that night.

Sunday (21/12/2008):
Nothing Much happened today. Had youth party in church then went lunch with cell mates and met up with Ming at 1u. Did my final Christmas shopping for friends til 4pm. I swear today was the rushest shopping I've ever did and I bought alot man. But I'm happy I'm done and I'm happy today's about to end. After dropping Bern home, I came home to wrap some presents, shower then head to Midvalley with dad to have dinner with mom, Cerys, and Justin. Parents bought me my iPod speaker for Christmas!! I'm so damn frigging happy man!! can't wait for christmas now!! ahhH!!! LOL!!!! I'll show Ya'll one day =) Anyway, I'm home and I'm tired. Here's a pic of most of all the present's I bought for my friends =)

The end of today's the beginning of my rest.

TO BE CONTINUED..

Sean's Memorable 16th Birthday Mark!

2008-12-17T07:08:00.000-08:00

"I have found you a place in my heart,
A place I have permanently marked for you.
Every inch of me may you have,
because I love you".

Some people, like me, if not all, try to make their birthdays as memorable as they can.
They host parties, go places, play games, do stunts, and many others.
For me, I went places and i did play games, but what was the most memorable was those that were with me on my birthday. You guys mean more to me than rain does to nature.

The most Greatest&Gracious 16th Birthday present I've gotten is from God:
a blissful memory that would follow me to the grave.

To say that this memory was only for my birthday night itself would be a waste. I have my parents, my brother, relatives, and especially my friends to thank for for a wonderful experience that will always reside in my heart as one of my best memories ever. It's not what I did or did not do that is memorable. It's who i spent it with and who was there to witness my happy moments with me that makes this memory sweeter than honey and more memorable than WW1! I had the best 16th birthday because of all of you and I honestly couldn't ask for more =)

A shout of thanks to ya'll that wish me by any kind of means.

Friday:
I forgot what time I woke up but I do know that I had a good night's sleep =). I think. Lately I like to believe that I've been having good night sleeps since it's the hols, but I think i'm in denial. hahaha! Then parents woke me up to go lunch with them at some Japanese store in Atria. After that we went grocery shopping and my dad actually thought I was dumb and retarded and kept laughing at me. LOL! Just cause I buried the rice scoop inside the basket of rice and push the trolley back to where I got it from doesn't mean I'm authistic! It just shows im playful =). Then when we were bout to leave the car park he gave me the ticket to pay for at the auto-pay machine and because i put the ticket in and went back to get money from them, he thought I was dumb enough to leave the ticket in the machine and drive home! LOL! Seriously, do I look that redundant? *sigh* just cause I wanna enjoy few more days of immaturity he had to laugh and mock me. Anyway, who knew the fierce Mike Liew had a playful side? haha! He can be so funny sometimes.
When I got home I watched this movie called "Keeping Mum" with my parents and it was friggin hilarious! LOL. Then Ming came and we waited for Bern to fetch us to pick up Riana and Amanda for paintball! It was our cell outing thing and I invited these 3 friends for paintball. It was fun and all but also tiring. I shot Ming and he gots a scar and his shirt tore. LOL! but he also shot me and i have a scar that's frigging itchy now. haha!
After paintball we went dinner at Ming Tien and we (me + cell mates) made Ming and Riana try out secret thai sausage. hahaha! It was so spicy and Riana started tearing. Amanda didn't wanna try because she was scared? maybe? Haha but Riana was sporting and Ming too. They were breathing with their tongue out like dogs. Hilarious! hehe!
After Ming Tien we went back to Ben's place to meet up with the other cell and we lepak'd til 11pm+ then Irwin dropped us to Hartamas area and I brought Riana and Amanda to try shisha. haha! Everyone tried, especially Ming and Amanda, but me and Riana did the most. When we couldn't take the second round we went to Riana's condo to hang out for awhile at the play ground til Justin came then we went home. On the way back Justin got saman cause he was over speed limit. haha! Ming stayed over that night.

Saturday:
I woke up at 2pm today! haha. I remembered because it was the latest I've ever woken up at and it felt so good to sleep in!! I had the best sleep ever and this is something i'll miss when school starts. LOL! Stayed home the whole day til evening when my dad dropped Ming and I to my grandma's. At grandma's, Yee Cai told me bout the mental fucking bitch that attacked her and how she threatened my aunt. Thank God that Bitch is arrested already. My relatives also had a surprise birthday thing again for me and yee cai. Ming had to experience the most terrible birthday song of his life. haha!!
At night Lewis came over with the Ps3 and we played and lepak'd til 3am++ with ramly burger at the mamak. Then Lewis slept over with Ming on the bed. I was on the floor. Lewis had a toe cramp then! hahahahaha it was so hilaroious!

Sunday:
We woke up at like 11am++ today and didn't wanna go to church but then Lewis's dad called and we had to go for second service. It was fun though, most of my friends were there so it was cool. After service we went for lunch at 1u and met up with Mango and then came back home and I did my piano work while Ming, Lewis, and my bro were playing the PS3.
After I was done I played Bioshock and then went for dinner with parents and Cerys. Lewis and Ming came too. We ate at some nice place and everyone was entertained by Lewis! Haha! Whoever knows Lewis will have their life enlightened by his spontaneous character man! Thank God he's a close friend. Can never get bored now. haha! He actually had a thigh cramp halfway through dinner for no reason. LOL! Even Cerys laughed. BUt yeah, everyone loves Lewis =). We mostly talked about my future plans bout going to college and all during dinner time then Justin and Cerys left for their movie at 1u.
At 10.30pm, Lewis, Ming and I went to Mont Kiara to check the place out for Tuesday night's game. After checking out that place we went to meet up with Amanda and Riana at their condo and we all went into the pool!! hahaha!! That night til the nxt morning was one of the best nights I have in my life.

Monday:
Forgot what time I woke up today, but then I drove to Mont Kiara where Ming, Amanda and I had lunch at Wendy's and to fetch Amanda home. Then we went to JPJ to renew ming's license. Came home after that and waited til 11pm for Adam and Jon to fetch us and then we headed to Ruvina's place to hang out. Had a few shots, learned dancing, played a few games, and went into the pool. LOL! Shima got pushed in too =D. I didn't get a hangover althought Shima and Ruvina wanted me to get drunk. haha! Proves I ain't a weak drinker and I can take more than 7 capfull of gin! haha! I felt headeachy tho. LOL. That night Jeremy called from U.S. too! and Kathy called form Singapore. was frigging happy man. ended up sleeping around 5ish.
Tuesday:
Today's my birthday! Forgot what time I woke up but I had lunch with my church friend's/cell mate at Wong KOK! They bought me lunch and it was great. haha!

Then we went to the arcade to hang out. I beat Amanda and others in Dayonta beginner mode!! but they beat me in advance =( LOL! After 1u, came home and rested while Amanda and Zane were singing with the singstar game. haha! so Funny how they challenge each other. At night, everyone came and parents had a surprise cake thing for me. Haha! Sorta already knew when I saw Justin walk in with a cake that he tried to hide form me =D. But still, it was great how peope do this stuff for me. haha! Then Kathy came back!!!
After lepaking for awhile we went to Mont Kiara Plaza carpark to play the hide&seek game in the carpark. Those who played were:

Sean
Amanda
Ming
Adam
Kathy
Carissa
Lewis
Bra
Terry
Zoe
Vern
Zane
Shima
Ruvina
Joce
Jermz
Carrot

Seems everyone had a great time too! Was worried sick when Jermz went missing though. But that's over. After that game we lepak'd awhile palying cards and then went to Joce's palce to shower and lepak for awhil again until 5am then picked Adam and Kathy up and went home to sleep.

Nothing much happened today so I'm not gon post much bout today. Can't really blog properly cause I'm frigging tired so...

TO BE CONTINUED..

Sunday night and Tuesday night was awesome.*=)

December's Update (for now)

2008-12-15T05:52:00.000-08:00

Ming Zen came back from Australia.
We went double-dating.
Watched "Twilight".
Basketball at night with Adam and Jon
Ate Ramly Burger
Paintball with Cell mates + Ming + Amanda + Riana
Made Riana & Ming try thai sausage
Shisha'd
Went to Lucy's Corner with Ming.
Lewis came over and played PS3!! (Ming trashed Lewis!)
Lewis and Ming slept over. (Lewis got toe cram! hahahahah!)
Went for second service at church.
Went 1u for lunch and met up with Rebecca
Did homework.
Dinner with the girlfriend, Cerys. (Lewis got thigh cram!! LOL!)
Went to Mont Kiara to check out the "place" and met up with Amanda and Riana.
Jumped into the pool with Riana + Amanda + Ming + Lewis
Had a great night.*
Eat lunch at Wendy's, fetch Amanda home, and renew Ming's license at JPJ.
Slept from 4-6.30
Waiting for Adam to pick us up!!

As you can see, December's a really packed month! If i were to blog like how I do bout all these, think you'll faint reading. hahaa!! So here's a short one for Amanda =)

TO BE CONTINUED..

Ms.Indecisive&Mysteria

2008-12-10T21:23:00.000-08:00

Ming's back too.

Everything's Not Fine.

2008-12-09T08:39:00.000-08:00

1. SOME MOTHERCHUCKER SIS IDIOT-IC BITCH PUT SOME FUCKING DISGUSTING SHIT INTO MY COMP!! BLOODY HELLL!!

2. PARENTS FORCING ME TO BLOODY FINISH AOP GRADE 10. so much for understanding how it feels to be stressfree and having "rest".

To Mun Yee and Chang

2008-12-04T08:30:00.000-08:00

Happy Graduating Girls!
We made it through 1 year of SIS together!
Nothing changes after graduation!
Thanks to you two for having my backs in work and for keeping me sane when I'm originally insane =)
You two made passing through SIS so much easier.
Friends forever!!.. til forever meets no end!
Cheers* Best of wishes in everything through anything!

A Taste of Sour November and the Highlight of My December!!

2008-12-04T03:48:00.000-08:00

"Who better to share the best things in life with then your family and friends??"

As you can tell from the previous posts, the beginning and mid of my November has been awesome, fun, and exciting right right?? I bet all of you secretly would die to experience my November =D. But the last week of my November which was last week, was a major SHIT!! It started out really good because my Aunt Maria, Uncle Tony, and crazy-space-mooching cousin sister Christine came back from Canada to spend the week with us family here, but then it turned to hell because my finals was the next week.

The awesome Canadian relatives of mine reached on Monday and Christine followed to pick me up from school. She tried to surprise me at first, but I was too awesome and knew she was in the car. haha! That night all us relatives met at my grandma's house for dinner. We all had a fun time and we played our usual family games which made all of us laugh like hell and look like retards. Typical family berbonding session of mine =) We all had to leave early tho, cause Justin and I had school the next day and my Canadian relatives were tired.

Here comes the shit part of the November.
The next few days, from Tuesday to Friday, everyone was having a gala time man!! Going to the movies, shopping, going to each aunty's houses, swimming, lepaking.. WHILE I WAS BLOODY GOING TO SCHOOL AND HAVING TO STUDY AND STRESS MY ASS OFF OVER EXAMS! Yes, that was what nerdy Sean was doing while everyone was enjoying their holidays. However, to prove that I actually do have a life too, I also joined them sometimes after school. It was great to meet up with the family again and all. But it's not what I should be doing at that time because finals were nxt week and I barely studied. I officially started studying on the Thursday of this week and even then I was still partying with the relatives. Haha! I had to stay at my bro's Godpa's house from Thursday til Monday because my crazy-space-mooching-cousin-sister-from-the-hood took over ma room. Haha! I didn't mind though, just that I wish there was a table to study on in the room. I had to study there because I can't concentrate when people are around me. It's just me. I can't even have music or I'll go all One Republic and Chris Brown on my notes!
Anyways, on Thursday we had our beep test thing and I was frigging nervous like hell man. The story of the beep test goes like this:

The first ever beep test record was set by my Japanese friend, Takeshi, with a level 10.5. Then I got all "Hey! I'm gonna beat that because no one's suppose to be better than me" and I set the next record which was 10.7. Then Ervandi heard about it and probably went all "Sean, you're going down!" sorta and he did his final beep test fitness testing, and setting the third record, with a level 11.1. Since Takeshi left the school to go to ISKL, and Ervandi and I are in different Phys Ed Class periods, only me and Ervandi were competing in this. So he went first and he got the level 11.1 and I had to go next. Heaven knows how determined I was, and so do my friends, and so I got all "Oh for the Love of the mothers of everything in the world that are thin, fat, ugly, and beautiful, Please Please Please lemme beat this piece of shit record thing!" and turned out I did my best and set the final record as a level 11.2!!! It was the final because holidays started and the next person to be competing would be next semester and I'm already outta the school. I left the school setting a record yo!!

So that was the story of the wonderful beep test record =).
On the Friday after this beep test thing, we had our written Health Finals. It was sorta easy so I bet no one studied for it, because there wasn't much too anyway. UNLESS SOME NERD *COUGH*MUN*COUGH*YEE, LIED TO ME AND ACTUALY STUDIED. kidding =) I know Mun Yee will never lie to me. =) After that, came home and studied like a loser til dinner time where I went to Bora Asmara with the Canadian relatives!!

Saturday I went to 1u with all my relatives and got Mun Yee's presents after dropping my relatives at the fishy spa =). Was there from morning til 4pm then I went home and studied until dinner time at my grandma's place. I had to walk up, down, left, right, inside, outside 1u JUST TO GET MUN YEE'S PRESENT. So she better be thankful =)

On Sunday I skipped church and stayed home the whole day til 4pm just to study. I was home alone in the Godpa's house cramming 8 chapters of Marketing and 2 chapters of Chemistry into my head from 12pm all the way to 4pm. See how tortorous my Sunday was. I had to spend the holy day of the week staring at my bloody chemistry and marketing books, shoving information into my brain and making my hand take notes. Heaven knows how many brave brain cells of mine has died. Then I went to continue doing Mun Yee's present until 5pm and then studied again. At 6pm I had to get ready to go to Bora Asmara again with all the relatives for dinner. Went first with Christine and Justin. I was so tired I just lied down the sofa at the restaurant with my iPod until the rest came. When they did we camwhored for awhile and then had berbonding session over dinner. It was cool and fun. THEN SUDDENLY EVERYONE HAD THIS SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY THING FOR ME AND MY AUNTY! It was so cool man the band people palyign there came and played some oldies jam while everyone (except all the cool as cousins besides Daniel, Summer, and Jamie) were dancing. Alotta camwhoring, but all the pics are with Zane so I can't upload any. We all left at like 9pm++ and headed to the karaoke!! We all ahd fun there again. Lost my voice temporarily that night and slept at 2am.

Monday (this week) was the day for my first paper. And it was also December 1st, which means that the current highlight of my December is coming =). My first paper was BM and it was a total waste of time. I was happy it was BM cause I gots less pressure and stress that way. I didn't study at all for this test and I think I threw all my notes away already because I can't find any of em and I remember chucking some papers into the bin. =) it wasn't a worry tho. It was sorta easy. Just hope i pass with at least a C-. There was a part where I gotta make a sentence with the word "tercabar". I didn't know what it means and when I ask the cikgu, he whispered it to me but it was so soft! It's like as if he's mute! So I didn't bother and made a sentence like this:

"Jack tercabar dalam jalanan ini."

It makes sense to me because it looks logical =).
Another part of the exam we gotta write a short story based on pictures. I didn't know any Malay words and I bet the cikgu will probably die of laughter after reading my short story. I used words like 'berbonding'. LOL! I actually thought there was such a word until I asked Mun Yee after the exam. OH WELL... I also had to name a mountain and 4 guys. The mountain was named Gunung OMFG because I was really pissed with the exam and the 4 guys were Jim, Jam, Joe, and Jack cause I felt inspired by all those damn Malay words to make a rhyme =).
These peopel shouldn't force non-malay locals to take BM man. It's like teaching a dog how to talk!

Tuesday was another rest /study day for me. I forgot what happened but I know I was just home the whole day styudying Chemistry because of all the relative meet up taht I dont got time to study much. But I had to sleep downstairs because my bro's Godpa got back from oversees. First time sleepig down stairs and it was alritee. LOL

Here's comes the highlight of my awesome, and will be awesome, December.
Wednesday, it was the final and last day of exams for me and my partner, Mun Yee. We were so excited and so so nervous. Mun Yee plans on beating me in Marketing and BM, and I plan to beat her in Phys Ed and Chemistry. HOPEFULLY I beat her in those two and Marketing tho. She can own me in the usless BM subject =). I was friggin nervous because of the little amount of study i had that i used to cram 22 chapters of both chemistry and marketing into me head. I slept at 2am studying for marketing and i went to school at 7am to study chemistry last minute. I was the first in school today! For the first time in 1 whole year!! LOL Oh, and I woke up at 6am today because of my mom. Had to wake up early anyway to say byebye to my Canadian realtives. They were leaving back to Canada at 11am.
Anyway, the first test was Marketing and it turned out friggin easy!! My brain cells died for studying marketing for no reason!!! It seriously was friggin easy! I can't believe i wasted my Sunday cramming 8chapters of marketing into my head until my head hurt and i got dizzy all for an easy test! I'm sure you'd think something like "it was easy because i stuidied" and shit like taht but it's not it! It was actually friggin easy and you'd pass even if u don't study. LOL!
Second paper was Chemistry and this was seriously hard. I struggled with alot of the MCQ's and tembaked alot. Also, the word problems and calculations were damn hard too. Shows that the little amount of time for studying chem i had wasn't enough. And the Rat lied to me again! Even when I'm leaving school. She said it was gonna be easy =(.
But shit man, after the chem test I threw the paper to my lecturer not even bothering to talk about it and...

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN AS FAST AS I CAN!! I JUST RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN WITHOUT STOPPING, WITHOUT LOOKING, WITHOUT THINKING, WITHOUT HESITATING, AROUND THE WHOLE SCHOOL TO SAY THANKS AND BYES TO ALL THE LECTURER'S FIRST, AND THEN I REACHED THE TOP. THE TOP OF THE STAIRCASE WHERE MY PARTNER AND I DID A SHOUT OF VICTORY AND JOY AND JUMPED LIKE A BUNCH OF HOOLIBANGAS!!!

Amanda's dad probably thought we were jakoons! LOL. He was in the car probably looking at us. Then after we rushed to pack our things and Amanda kidnapped us + chu ching for the best part. OUR GRADUATIO SURPRISE PARTY!!

In the car Mun Yee and I were so excited but chu ching was freaked out cause she was scared i think and stuff. ahah. We were kidnapped to Amanda's house where all our other close friends were there to celebrate with us.

These were those friends of mine who witnessed and shared one of the best days of my life:

Amanda
Anita
Isaac
Adilet
Macha
Jin
Shima
Syu
Syeyi Rocker!
Nadira
Lewis
Zane
&
Me, Mun Yee, Chang

All of us had a hell of a fun time man! At the party there were:

Baked cakes for Mun Yee, Chu Ching, and I
Designed banners with our names
Playing with shaving cream, colorful dust thing, and water ballons
Somersaulting into the pool multiple times with them great friends
Climbing a tree
Soccer with 2 kiddies against the girls
Bullied the 2 kiddies with adilet using our skills in soccer
Played on the play ground
Scared Jin at the toilet
Drove Macha's car with Shima in it
Puttin my life on the line by letting Shima drive
Shouted like mad
Danced to "I like to move it" song
Ate dinner with them
Took more than 1000 pictures
Played the drinking game
Got tipsy and high with Adilet
Convinced Jin and Macha I'm not drunk like more than 50times!
Convinced Shima she didn't beat me in the drinking game
Jumped into the pool countless of times
Had playful fights in the pool
Pushed everyone into the pool
Played Ice and Fire

I'm sure there were more, but currently I can't remember because I'm so tired. haha! To prove that I'm not lying, here're some of the pics!

Everything was perfect and awesome man. We all had so much fun. More pictures can be seen in:

We will always remember ♥

We will always cherish ♥

We will always treasure ♥

We will always hug ♥

We will always walk together ♥

Anyway, I've done alotta blogging for one day. I'll continue on wheneva I can. I know people like Amanda, Anita, SyeYi, and Mun Yee are eagerly waiting to read my post so.. =) Oh wait, Anita is sleeping edi. haha!

Sincere Love and Thanks to:
Amanda- for organizing, planning, and executing this wonder and awesome party.
Anita- for her pictures, randomness, and contribution to making the party awesome.
Shima- for helping bake the cake and making the party hella awesome with the drinking game.
Syuyi- for your contribution to the party by allowing them to use your house as a baking center and your spontaneous and fun attitude.
Syeyi- for your contribution and getting pushed into the pool thousands of times, and for your house too! & for being an awesome rocker!! hahahahah!
Isaac- for helping them fix the whole thing and the music wiht your iPod.
Adilet- for contributing to setting up the area, getting high&tipsy with me, and jumping into the pool many times.
Nadira- for the pictures and contributing to the funny dance we had. Haha
Zane- for planning this with them and for all the awesome shots!
Lewis- for the ride back, sharing this awesome time with me, and being there to listen to ma stories!

TO BE CONTINUED..

"Guys, I'd jump in with ya'll through anything and into anything. I promise"